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This is your scripted lifeline for campus.
You've woken up in a pool of beer and your window's broken from an unconfirmed projectile. How do I get the university to fix it? Suddenly the fire alarm goes off and you run outside screaming, naked and drenched in beer. How do I get back in? You can't get back in so you decide to print out some paper to use as clothes, but... How do I get the damn room printers to work? Shortly you're arrested by a porter. Fine, great, but how do I inform the university?
Isn't life easy with The Yorker?