Doctor Who?

• Leonardo DiCaprio

Of course, if ol’ Leo took the role, it would only be on the grounds that the film was going to be part of the Oscars race. Therefore there would be lots of shots of deep, meaningful looks, the adoption of a different accent, and lots of shouty quotes that would fit nicely into those clips that they show for the Best Actor nominations: “You don’t know what it feels like to be me!” Or something like that. - Jacob Martin

• George Clooney

George’s version of the Doctor doesn’t have a sonic screwdriver, just a sonic smile; a flash of his pearly whites and the universe(s) is/are his oyster. George would also no doubt produce, direct and script the film, though he would have to be supported by an ocean of talent in the form of 10 talented assistants. (Well, 9 talented + Brad Pitt.) - Jacob Martin

• Eddie Izzard

With his fast-paced talking, intelligent wit and eccentric British charm, there is already lots of Doctor Who in comedian Eddie Izzard. We could expect improvised, rambling sequences where Izzard glides his way through surreal predicaments (perhaps involving difficult choices between 'cake or death'). And of course he has Hollywood experience, appearing in Oceans Twelve and Thirteen among others. - Stephen Puddicombe

• Robert Pattinson

Doctor Who may already have a huge following among teens and pre-teens, but why not expand it even further by casting the star of Twilight Robert Pattinson as the Doctor? With recent Doctors getting younger and younger, he certainly seems to be the next logical step. Obviously you would have to cut back on the good dialogue, humour and acting, but all that can be made up for with two hours of high quality brooding. You could even cast Kristen Stewart as the Doctor's assistant! - Stephen Puddicombe

• Vin Diesel

The most macho of our selection, a Doctor Diesel film would inevitably be a blockbuster of epic scale. Expect most of the budget to be spent on explosions rather than script, and The Doctor abandoning one of his many rules to become strongly in favour of guns. Lots and lots of guns. - Lucie Vincer

• Hugh Grant

“Oh, I say, um, I’m awfully sorry mumblemumblemumble, I, um, appear to have, um, arrived on the wrong planet mumblemumble. Gosh, you’re an awfully attractive alien…” This is Doctor Hugh Grant at his most science-fiction, before the film descends into an hilarious rom-com about a posh awkward bloke trying to find love on another planet. Expect jokes about his numerous bedrooms and his misplaced sonic screwdriver. - Catherine Munn

• Johnny Depp

Hopefully not in his frankly creepy Willy Wonka guise, Doctor Depp can go one of two ways: in one, he is stumbling backwards out of the TARDIS, clutching a bottle of extra-terrestrial rum and trying to drunkenly negotiate with a baffled Dalek. In the other (naturally directed by Tim Burton), he is dragging a reluctant Helena Bonham-Carter around the moodiest planets in the universe, and in a fit of quirky despair, has painted the TARDIS grey. - Catherine Munn

• Jim Carrey

Were The Doctor to take on an identity from across the pond Jim Carrey perhaps might not be a bad choice. Certainly fulfilling the eccentric side of the character, Carrey’s somewhat over-the-top acting would suit the role. Plot would most likely be based around the idea that The Doctor was actually adopted by an alien corporation as a baby and his life to this point has been a carefully controlled fabrication. - Lucie Vincer

• Tom Hanks

Going for the more mature Doctor now, Tom Hanks would bring something akin to his Robert Langdon character in The Da Vinci Code were he to play the time-travelling explorer/ mystery solver/ whimsy hunter. Therefore expect such witty one-liners as “We have to get to a library! FAST!”. - Lucie Vincer

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