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Do you ever watch those American teen movies? You know the type; you have the Prom Queen, beautiful and popular. She has everything, the looks, the boyfriend, the friends and even the crown. Then she leaves high school and its all taken away from her, the reality of life takes over. The amazing high school dream boyfriend gets fat and old, and starts drinking to drown his failures away. He gets a shit job to, just about, pay for the fact that he’s knocked up his prom queen. She becomes a baby making machine, every one is a mistake, and never works a day in her life. Looks fade and friends disappear. Life becomes a case of doing what you have to, to get by. There are no such things as fun or happiness.
This is what I fear.
I graduate in just over a year, and although I joke about it sometimes, I honestly never want to leave university. This has been the best time of my life. I feel just like the prom queen (minus the boyfriend). I’m always surrounded by friends, I’m quite well known around campus, I have fun and am free to do whatever I want. I feel like I’m making my mark here.
And I’m scared; I’m really scared, that as soon as I graduate, this life is going to be taken away from me. I’m scared that I’m going to enter into a boring job, and hate it, end up with someone just because I’m lonely, get married because it seems like the right thing to do, and then have kids and start to live for them. I’m scared that I won’t see the world, that I won’t find the perfect guy and fall in love, and I won’t find the place I want to settle.
I’m scared that I won’t be happy. I’m scared that I will just be content.
I do not want this life, but I fear that it is going to happen anyway.
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