That Girl from Derwent dwells on the value of religion this Christmas.
That Girl from Derwent has learned a few more things about prejudice since moving up North.
That Girl From Derwent reckons if you're going to be offensive, you should find a better reason.
That Girl from Derwent considers why it is that some words have wider implications than others.
Rudo y Cursi, the long awaited on-screen reunion of Y Tu Mama Tambien’s Diego Luna and Gael García Bernal, sees Luna starring as a stopper, and over on the sports pages Joe Hart recently sparkled, dragging England into the U21 European Championship final with a save and a scored penalty in a shoot-out against the hosts, Sweden.
It’s a truism that these goalkeepers get all the flak and none of the fame, unless they have the good fortune to stumble into a penalty shoot-out as Hart did. Remembered only for the odd mistake rather than the myriad saves, being a goalkeeper requires some thick skin. It also requires a different skill-set to that of an outfield player – sharper reflexes, stronger reading of the game, greater bravery – yet when restricted to the penalty area, they are hindered and hamstrung.
Why have the guardians of the game not deigned to deliver some more taxing work for the world’s goalkeepers? Gianluigi Buffon remains the sport’s most expensive goalkeeper, costing Juventus €52m from Parma way back in 2001; if I was the club’s coach, president or owner I would have expected – nay, demanded – that such an investment would provide an exceptional set of services. Standing untroubled and alone in the box for the majority of matches and wearing a casually draped neckerchief wouldn’t quite cut it.
When goalkeepers are regularly expected to provide the sort of pinpoint, raking long pass that would receive tumultuous praise were it delivered from the boot of a right winger, why not capitalise on such vision by getting goalkeepers to fire out the novelty t-shirts and prizes at half-time, instead of the lazy-eyed, limp-wristed mascots? That way the truly deserving, polite children would receive goodies, rather than the loutish lot at the front who successfully scurry and scramble, batting off the hands of others to secure more eBay fodder.
Better yet, why not mic up goalkeepers to provide insight and colour commentary to supplement the broadcasters? There has been plenty of clamour for football referees to enjoy the hands-free fanfare that their rugby counterparts are afforded, but the unseemly consequences of endless expletives (and the probable exposure of most refs as snivelling, star-obsessed suck-ups) makes this a no-go, yet goalkeepers are a perfect fit.
Jens Lehmann was recently a guest pundit on ITV’s live football coverage, and showed himself to be a remarkably lucid, eloquent contributor, despite having earned a (deserved) reputation during his playing days in England of being a bit of a nutcase – imagine the powerful pangs of frustration we could hear as Jens’s attackers failed to hold up their side of the bargain, spurning chances as he steadies himself for another masterful save or catch?
It could lead to defences tightening up, to avoid being publicly embarrassed by the goalkeeper behind them as they are forced to sweep up their centre backs’ messes. The iniquity endured by football teams’ last line of defence could be washed away with a few cathartic rants on Super Sunday.
Lastly, why not see a few more goalkeepers as managers? The legendary Dino Zoff nearly led Italy to victory in Euro 2000 as head coach, but he resigned the day after his team was defeated in the final by a late comeback from France, and there have been a few other success stories, but for all the great characters, rousing motivators and big-mouthed men that have worn gloves over the past few decades, few are appointed to top jobs in sport.
Consider the faith shown in rookie managers such as Marco van Basten and Jürgen Klinsmann by their countries, or Pep Guardiola by Barcelona; with all that time to think during a match, goalkeepers have plenty of time to revise for their coaching qualifications. Who’ll be the first big name to take a punt?
In a few months, Rudo y Cursi will be in the bargain DVD bucket of HMV, and Joe Hart will endure another unremarkable season, this time on loan at Birmingham City. But while the subject is fresh in our minds, lets give some time to the goalkeepers. They deserve it.
There's the old saying 'you have to be crazy to be a keeper' which is partly true, it's a demanding position but one I have always loved and it is so much more difficult to be a good goalie than people think! If the defence messes up then the kepper is there, if the keeper messes up all that awaits is the back of the net and being branded a 'twat' for the rest of the week! Good article!
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