*Insert witty pun about Tiger Woods*

Tiger Can't Stay Away From Bush

In an uncharacteristic act of fidelity, Woods is rumoured to have slept with wife, former model Elin Nordegren, after the second round of this year’s US Masters Tournament in Augusta, Georgia.

The story is believed to have come from hotel staff at the Woods’ 5-star residence during Masters week. Maids described how the world number one and Nordegren locked themselves in their suite for hours at a time, leaving strict instructions with staff not to be disturbed. One cleaner who wished to remain unnamed revealed: “‘Do Not Disturb’ sign was on door. Mr. Woods very private man. Always room service never restaurant for food.”

It has been over 6 months since the sensational Woods story broke. The 14-time major champion lost control of his Cadillac sometime between 2:30am and 2:31am during the journey from the top of his driveway to the bottom of his driveway at his Florida mansion. Concerned neighbours called police to report the incident. Nordegren was forced to batter the car with a golf club in a frenzied rage; the only possible way to pull the stricken golfer from the wreckage (which must have been considerable for a Cadillac Escalade travelling at 10mph for 100yrds colliding into a small fire hydrant.) It was the only way that Nordegren, who minutes before had learned of her husband’s extramarital activity, could save her billionaire husband.

Although Woods was reported to make a swift recovery, he was not seen in public for several weeks after the indiscretion and subsequent revelations about his private life. There is no predicting the impact these revelations will have on the disgraced golf icon. This reporter certainly hopes that it won’t push the great man over the edge.

In other news, Phil Mickelson claimed his third green jacket on Sunday after some of the most spectacular golf ever seen at The Masters.

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