A fine, fine line

If only it were this harmless...

So where did it all go wrong?

Essentially, the idea of “banter” is just to have a bit of fun among friends. Good-natured jibing between people who know each other and know the limits of how far they can go in such conversations, never hurt anyone. Last year, I’m pretty sure I used the word “banter” on innumerable occasions – along with “sport” (don’t ask), it was probably the word of Summer 2010.

And even when such jibing became increasingly stereotype-based, it was still funny. Because when the guy telling you to get back in the kitchen to make him a sandwich is a good friend, you know it’s all a joke and he doesn’t actually mean it. Likewise, when an ethnic friend makes a joke about his own ethnicity, you know it’s okay for you (and quite a few of your friends) to joke about it too – as long as people know their limits, there’s nothing to worry about, right?

But then something awkward (in my opinion) happened. The emergence of the LAD, whose “banter” is their greatest asset: and things have taken a negative turn. Association with the LAD phenomenon has not done the concept of “banter” any favours in a lot of people’s eyes. People who knew any self-professed LADs (and didn’t like what they knew) were suddenly reluctant to use the word “banter” anymore in referencing their, well, banter, with their friends. I dismissed all this, of course; despite the negative connotations given to the word by a few select idiots, the majority of people, (yes, even self-professed LADs) still used the word to mean a whole lot of fun that never hurt anyone and I agreed.

That was, until a week or so ago when I was on the receiving end of some relatively offensive, ill-timed and inappropriate “banter”.

Never in my life have I been called “darling” so many times. And “broad” as well – I mean, seriously, we don’t live in the 1950s any more guys. Never before have I imagined such a patronising tone of voice. And never before have I wanted to hit my computer so much.

You see, the problem with this “banter” was that it was over Facebook comments on a certain photograph. So, of course, as someone tried to point out, they could be being completely light-hearted with the misogynist attitudes. But that’s not the point. The point is, they could be being completely serious. Either way, I’m not going to let anyone call me “darling” like that. If you know that your comments could be misconstrued or misunderstood – simple, don’t leave them. Over Facebook you just can’t tell, so unless you wanted to cause offensive, any intelligent person just wouldn’t risk it. Likewise, these guys were complete strangers to me and my friend (who I had stepped in to defend). For all they knew we might have been bullied at school with misogynist “darlings”. We might know that we could never have children – and so the housewife and mother inferences in some of their comments could have really, really pissed us off. As it was, they were lucky, we just wrote them off as small-minded and chauvinistic idiots, but they don’t know that. And that’s what really did piss me off. Here were a couple of guys who knew nothing about who they were ribbing. And they clearly didn’t care if they insulted they just wanted a reaction. Okay, so I rose to it, but only because I think some people just need to learn: so it’s a free world and they can say what they like – it does not mean in any way I have to suck it up.

I was accused of not knowing the “meaning” of “banter”.

Trust me guys, I’m pretty sure I’ve thought about this far more than you’ve ever thought about anything. I know “banter” and I know offensive. And I know there’s a damn fine line between them

But that doesn’t make it okay to cross it.

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