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Nowadays, it seems the godparent thing is all a bit of a calculation. Instead of simply picking those friends you like best, or those who you think will be best with children, parents are increasingly weighing up the pros and cons of each friend - and picking the ones that come out on top - society-wise that is.
It turns out that parents are putting more thought into their children's "spiritual guardians" than ever before, but very little of that thinking actually tends toward the emotional well-being of the child. I mean, I never expected my godparents to take me to Church or whatever it is they promised to do, but I always expected them to be there for me if I needed someone to talk to: a kind of alternative parent - a loved one, without the close proximity and the tendency to judge.
However, godparents these days are apparently being chosen on the basis of their careers, or their connections - even simply because they have the most money of all the family friends. According to a recent article, some children are now being given up to fifteen godparents. Fifteen! What the hell do these parents think a child will do with fifteen of these moral guides? Initially intended as legal guardians of the child in case of disaster, having an orphaned child torn between fifteen different candidates, many of whom would probably not be particularly interested, is just cruel.
Unless, of course, the "God" part of godparent doesn't actually mean anything any more, which it seems not to 99% of the time.
The fact is, godparents are being increasingly chosen for the value of the economic usefulness they could have to the child in later life. Never mind bonds of friendship or blood, if you don't have the situation or lifestyle the parents are looking for, you won't stand a chance. Those with high-flying careers may be relied upon to offer invaluable work experience opportunities for said child in later life. Or simply expensive presents. Childless, and therefore, rich, acquaintances may be valued over more maternal prospects. Whether or not the godparent is actually physically there for a child in their adolescence or other troublesome years seemingly matter less than the prospect of a few cash transfers each birthday.
Nowhere is this more clear than with the website Mumsnet suggesting various secular terms for godparents, one of which is "sponsor". Well, at least it's honest. Because that's what you sign up to do these days it seems. It's not, be a godparent any more; it's "sponsor a child". Give them the money and the opportunities and they'll sort out their moral compasses by themselves, right?
Wrong, actually.
I hardly ever go to Church. A Godmother once tried and I shrugged her off with the plea that I was well into my game of Age of Empires. But I do appreciate my godparents, and not because they are rich, or connected, or famous. Okay, so they were picked because they were related to my parents; and one has turned out a bit a dud (forgetting my 18th birthday) but one, even though she divorced from my uncle, still sends me a bit of a letter twice a year, still keeps in touch. And the other, my dad's sister, may be far away in the States, but I know that if I ever needed anything, she'd help me - and not because it was easy to, but for some deeper bond. And I like to think that these people, along with my parents, have helped shape who I am. So what I may not get any invaluable internships at top companies or a big cheque on my birthday. I've learnt a lot about human relationships from my godparents. Human love in action. Take that away, and what are parents teaching their children?
We are moving toward a society horrifically and totally based on money.
Let's not go there, please?
Maybe the time for those religious godparents is drawing to a close. God knows I never wanted to be forced to sit in a cold pew and listen to some man rant on (and I'm sure he doesn't mind). But the time for friends is always.
And that's what these people are missing.
In my culture, 'godparent' is a totally secular custom - that is, it's actually the maid of honour/best man at your parents' wedding, and those who are my 'godparents' were chosen for being close friends of my parents. It sort of gave them status to being equivalent with family members e.g. uncles, aunts, cousins, and I see them just as much as blood relations. I think that's a nice practice, honouring non-family members as family, but then again I never really understood the Western purpose of a 'godparent'.
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