10 Things I Learnt from the Millennium Trilogy
Tuesday, 23rd November 2010
***SPOILER ALERT***
The Millennium Trilogy, a.k.a. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo books, has been one of the most successful book series of recent times, selling over 25 million copies in 40 countries and generating not one but two film franchises. But really, what does commercial success and millions earned mean until you extract some valuable lessons?
- 1) All men fit into one or several of the following categories: misogynist, chauvinist, rapist, homophobe, adulterer, paedophile, sadist or domestic abuser. This is a diverse and accurate portrayal of the male gender as a whole.
- 2) Rogue tattooing and bondage: a creative and personal way to get back at someone who’s wronged you. Just, uh, maybe sterilise the needle first.
- 3) Never accuse a super-powerful billionaire of corruption, unless you can guarantee your sources…or you hook up with a hacker who can access all his private documents for you. Just call her an ‘anonymous source’ and no one will suspect a thing.
- 4) Always try to stick to a hacker's good side; otherwise your funds may get mysteriously extracted and never traced again – if you’re lucky. You might also have your reputation quashed, be blackmailed or have your entire financial empire crumble at your feet.
- 5) The Cayman Islands and Gibraltar are both great places to keep a secret account of a huge sum of stolen money – just make sure you find an accountant unethical enough to handle it.
- 6) A woman having a sexual relationship with another woman automatically associates her with S&M, Satanism and prostitution; a man sleeping with a magazine editor, a hacker, a spy, a business owner and her cousin over the space of a year is a national hero.
- 7) If you’re related to a defected Soviet spy, you can never rely on the government – or any authority figures for that matter – to be acting in your best interests. So it’s best just to “play it safe” and become a vigilante.
- 8) Being shot in the head and buried for several hours is not an immediate death sentence; there’s still a good chance you’ll not only survive, but will have enough energy to swing an axe into someone’s face.
- 9) Forget the iPhone… the Palm Tungsten T3 is the piece of communication technology to have. That little gadget can do anything, including entering into complex hacker websites with a fortress of virtual obstacles. Your move, Steve Jobs.
- 10) If you ever feel a little guilty for illegaly downloading music when you were 13 or watching films online rather than forking over money for a ticket…well, in case you need your conscience soothed, reminding yourself what Lisbeth Salander can do with the internet is a great way to make you feel like you have the moral high ground.
