Take a chill pill (or ten)….

Night is the most stressful part of my day, with daytime being the second most stressful. You see, my brain is like a nocturnal monkey: a restless, hectic creature that just isn't interested in following the same routine as the rest of my body.

Night time is its jungle, where it happily romps around, swinging from tree to proverbial tree, hunting after tasty morsels (such as the next day’s errands, or snippets from the day’s conversations). Forgive the primate analogy, but you get the point: I’m a bit of a stress-bag 24-7.

There are some lucky souls in this world who thrive under pressure. Not only do they excel under stress, they need it in order to function. Teeth-clenched and heart palpitating, they set about their lives with vigour and self-inflating purpose, wowing everyone with their confidence, efficiency and sheer determination.

Stress for them is just an inconvenient fact of life that, whilst rather annoying, does not disrupt their everyday lives, just like rain or that never-ending Leona Lewis song.

And then there are those who just collapse.

Sadly, yours truly falls into the latter category. Now, much as I like to think and say that I can handle stress, I’m one of those people who literally shake under its strain. The shaking usually starts at my feet and works its way up until I resemble a victim of electric-shock therapy.

Honestly, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve had to ward off unwanted (but well-meant) offers of first aid with ‘No, I’m not epileptic, I’m just stressed out’. When people start to suggest calling you an ambulance, you know you’ve got a problem.

So, for fear of inconveniencing paramedics, I decided to employ some tactics against the monster that is Stress.

Much as we hate to admit it there is a lot to be said for exercise, not least in terms of expending ‘negative energy’. After pounding the treadmill (or pavement in my case, as gyms only serve to add to my already high stress-levels), there is an undeniable steadiness and clarity that emerges once the heart rate recovers, and the body has had a nice hot shower. I can’t deny this, and have even bought a pair of trainers that I intend to use regularly.

Getting tension out by way of sweat is all very well, but once the euphoric buzz of exercise wears off it's only a matter of time until that adrenalin builds up in the stomach again. ‘How about a more passive outlet?’, I asked myself. Somehow, I didn’t think drinking green tea alone would cut it.

Somehow, I didn’t think drinking green tea alone would cut it.

My quest for a less-stress lifestyle did indeed lead me down a more Zen-centric path. At the risk of sounding, well, New Age, I spared 20 minutes a day for some light meditation. There is a reason why the Dalai Lama is always smiling you know. I even invested in some calming incense, which made the entire house smell like the inside of a fortune-teller's caravan (much to the displeasure of my housemates). Couple this with some gentle stretching, and voila, enter Miss Calm.

Oh, if only it were that easy….

Even though I have always been a bit of a Yoga Bunny, I am far from its poster child. Whilst heavy breathing and contortionism does leave me feeling somewhat cooler, calmer and full of a feeling comparable to a drug high, within about an hour I’m back to my neurotic self.

So now, of course, I have also developed a complex about being unable to relax. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, now there is the added stress of trying to be less stressed. The kind of self-perpetuating worry of worrying about not being able to sleep because you are so worried. No amount of herbal pills, albas oils, chanting or any other kind of placebo will make that go away.

Sartre was on to something when he said (in the triumphantly bleak way only he could) that ‘Existence precedes and rules essence’.

Sartre was on to something when he said (in the triumphantly bleak way only he could) that ‘Existence precedes and rules essence’

I hate to go existential on you, but just think about it. We are all living, and living hectically at that, but do we ever stop and take the time to live, to just be? In a world where everything is fast (food, technology, leisure), it is inevitable that our heart rates and anxiety increase exponentially as a result.

So what have I learnt from all this, besides the irony that the pursuit of relaxation is a highly stressful endeavour? At the end of the long, hard day, how we cope is only half due to activity; it’s an internal thing. My way of coping with stress is to keep it in, when really the only way to rid it for good is by letting it out.

In light of this, I have decided to incorporate more screaming into my routine. After all, sometimes you just need a good scream. It may not cure you, or solve any problems, but it may just stop the shakes from setting in. Embrace the stress, let it drive you, but don’t let it swallow you up or break you down. And always remember to breath. All together now: Ommmmm…..

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