...and don't panic! The Know brings you advice during housing
A true friend is always there for you, especially when you're drunk.
Miss Quit regresses to her childhood this week as the prospect of beginning the "University of Life" looms.
Just half an hour before the speech, I had been listening to the pre-ceremony build-up on several news channels. Flicking between them, I sat bemused as the commentators discussed what the President Elect, his wife, and fellow diners were enjoying at the Inaugural Lunch (a choice of pheasant or duck for entrée – it appears he plumped for the leaner fowl, but no one was too sure what he chose as a side dish), how the temperature, although in the 20s, felt more like the 10s in the biting wind, and the amount of port-a-loos brought in for the occasion (1600). The contrast with the speech itself could not have been greater.
Small talk – it’s a building block of social interaction, a filler of society if you will. Something we participate in almost naturally, without much prompting. After the mandatory catch-up banter of the first week of term, it seemed particularly significant to me just how much of what we say is based on social courtesy.
Never known to be a girl of few words, I happily participated in the old "Have a nice Christmas?…How’d your exams go?....Broken any resolutions yet?" routine, pretty much systematically. It's astounding how often we dance the verbal mambo.
Not just with acquaintances either. Every time I pick up the phone to a dear one, it’s the same "Hi, how are you? What’s new? Oh I’m alright thanks…" opening. And it’s not a bad thing by any means. It’s just impossible not to do, as I soon discovered.
A world filled with inconsequential exchanges makes all the difference to everyday life.
Thanks to having the eyesight of a bat, I pay regular visits to Mr Optometrist. Having someone staring in your eyes for half an hour provides a window of abnormally heightened proximity. Words are going to be exchanged, that’s inevitable. Try as I did to restrict myself to three-syllable responses, I soon found that making the poor man do all the work without throwing him a bone of conversation was just cruel.
You see, there is no way of avoiding chit-chat without seeming anti-social, stuck-up, or generally a bit of a misanthropic bitch.
When it transpired that his name was Philip, my mouth ran away with me. Really? That’s my grandad’s name too! Funny that, thought Philip Eye-doctor, isn’t it a small world? Yes, I had to agree. A world filled with inconsequential exchanges just like this, which nonetheless make all the difference to everyday life.
Silence seems to make most of us uncomfortable. Especially when another person is about an inch away from our face. Yet sometimes even queuing seems too much to bear without some kind of social relief. What is it with elderly people and talking?
It was very sweet of the lady in front of me in M&S to smile and address me as "petal", but how was I supposed to know where she’d left her bank balance? No, I reassured her, I don’t think they print your name on them so I wouldn’t worry too much about identity theft. Sorry, don’t know where your husband is either. Can’t help you on that one I'm afraid.
I could, however, placate the poor woman with a few choice words. It was actually one of the most memorable moments of my day, and made me smile on later reflection. Had to run after her when she'd forgotten her purse on the counter. She gave me a hug and a mint humbug. I didn't know they made those anymore.
Where would we be without our beloved chinwagging? Yes, sometimes you do just want to be left alone. But then, upon seeing the hopeful look in the eyes of the destroyer of your silence, who can resist acquiescence? Not me.
There is a time for big words, especially if you’ve just been made the most powerful person in the world. For the rest of us, there is small talk. Which is actually no small thing, for in the act of expending a few well-worn sentences we engage in something fundamental to humanity. And sometimes we get a sweet in return.
What is said isn’t the valuable part – it’s the gesture of exchange that really matters. (Which is just as well, because I can’t help but end with a monumental cliché or two. Forgive me.)
When all is said and done, it’s good to talk.
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