Roxy highlights her choice for the perfect guys to look for this summer.
Roxy looks at whether the "other woman" is always in the wrong.
I’m not talking actual medical or psychiatric attention – I’m not persuading you to spend hours sat outside a lecture theatre crying waiting for someone to ask what is wrong. I’m not telling you to sulk for days until your friends finally get over their own lives and focus on you. I’m not suggesting you start wearing all black and carving your initials into trees (don’t ask). What I am suggesting is way by which you can get people to start paying attention to you, short of carrying around a luminous sign saying ‘I’M HERE!!!’.
These are my tips on how to get attention anytime - and all the time.
Firstly, make sure you always make an entrance. So you’re heading to the library for a dull day of studying, and you’re surrounded by others also taking part in the mundane pursuit that is learning; how can you break into that unremarkable setting and say ‘Hello world, it’s me (insert name)’, in a place where you are not allowed to speak?
Well how about carrying a bulky set of keys in your pocket? Nothing screams attention like the sound of metal on metal. If that doesn’t work, how about wandering around aimlessly for hours. You know the sort, the person who is always looking for a shelf, so much so that the entire room has begun staring, just waiting for them to sit-their-ass-down-and-do-some-work.
Well you could be that person! You’d have all eyes on you - and it totally counts as studying, because you were in the library, right?
Secondly, make sure to wear something eye grabbing. Too many people wear black and brown and grey – all dark, lacklustre colours. Too many people cover parts of the body that were never meant to be covered, you know, legs, arms, chest, backs...
Step away from this uninspiring wardrobe and step into the spotlight. Yes it’s raining, and you’re having a fat day, yes all your ‘cool’ clothes are in the wash (on the way to mums), and you can no longer fit into your best jeans (too many bags of broken biscuits in one week), but that should not stop you. Tight and bright is definitely the only way to go. Squeeze on those skinny jeans (lying flat on your back and sucking in the stomach helps), and pull out that low-cut bright blue top, because you’re going to stand out, and this means all eyes will be on you.
Thirdly, why not try a bit of controversy. Do you feel a bit like you sit in a seminar where everyone is always agreeing with the tutor? Do you find yourself agreeing with the tutor for an easy time? Why be a sheep? Take off that wool coat and create a hullabaloo. Disagree with the consensus; disagree with your tutor, and even disagree with yourself. Everyone will be looking at you (some more maliciously than others) and that’s all that matters, right? So what you might not make sense; so what the seminar ended exactly 12 minutes ago and so what there is a class waiting to come in, none of that matters - this is definitely your time to shine.
Lastly, flirt your way to the top. Nothing grabs attention like an ostentatious giggle, or a gaudy flick of the hair. Subtlety has definitely flown out of the window, and been replaced by brassiness and glitz. Low-cut tops, lots of cleavage, tight jeans, long ‘flicky’ hair, lip-biting, an incredibly beautiful (annoying) laugh and an attitude are clearly a must have.
Not good at the outward displays of how great you are? Well maybe you’re looking in the wrong places.
You know how amazing, wonderful, incredible, marvellous and staggering you are, maybe it’s time everyone else did too.
I love this Roxy article, its the best one she's written in a long time. The message is right as well, people should realise that they are amazing and feel the confidence to show it off.
So your saying in this day an age if you want attention you have to dress like a slut! Yes that will give you attention but is it really the type of attention a respectable woman should be giving out? Your articles never fail to dissapoint me, you really do have a simplistic and degrading view on all issues you write about. As a writer has it never occured to you that not all people see life in such a robotic way.
Is this satire? Reverse psychology? A message in what not to do? I don't really understand, because all the suggestions if done would just make me pity the person who does them.
I think its funny that #2 obviously cannot take a joke. As said in the blurb, how seriously you take it is up to you. Its lighthearted and funny, and in no way is she suggesting that you have to dress like a slut to get attention.
Never mind the failures of the content, I'm more inclined to be disgusted by the apostrophe Roxy's put in the word matters...or 'matter's'. It's a sad state when even the wannabe writers in a good university can't manage to grasp the simple use of the apostrophe.
Be absolutely assured that if the answers to the questions in bold at the head of this article are YES, you are an inadequate, self-absorbed moron. People who get the attention and admiration of others seldom design things so. Plus if you take Roxy's advice, it is likely that I, and several hundred other people, will slap you fairly hard as you goon and ditz your way around campus. Let's see what that does for your self-esteem. 
I think people may have slightly missed the point of this article - it is meant to be satire and not serious. But it very much fails in trying to be funny.
It becomes less satirical the more you know of 'Roxy'...
What, do you have to be one of her mates to get it, then? Satire (of this sort) has to be funny beyond your social circle for it to be recognised as satire. If this is satire, it's really, really thin.
#6, you really make a habit of slapping people? Wow. Mature and open-minded. I guess you're the person I always think is a right dick.
#9, I think you missed the point of #8 - they weren't saying you have to know Roxy to "get it", they were saying the precise opposite - that if you read all of Roxy, then you might think that's it's not satire.
Oh, #5, that would be the editor's error but who isn't guilty of typos? The number of times I've written "it's" instead of "its" in an essay, or added an apostrophe in the fury of typing, and only noticed afterwards - it doesn't mean I don't know how to use an apostrophe.
Personally, I read Roxy every time, and I think she's a girl who doesn't take life that seriously (so we shouldn't take stuff like this seriously) - but I'll agree, her blogs aren't as amusing as reading the serious and het up comments that they generate! You guys are the real comedy geniuses, maybe you should write for the yorker?
Well said #11
Well said, #12. It'd be really nice if you could 'Well said' me back
Uh, #11, it's the editor's JOB to make sure there aren't mistakes. I'd understand letting one through the cracks every once in a while, but punctuation and grammar mistakes are littered all over the blogs section.
#14, I was by no means disputing that it is the editor's JOB as you put it, to correct mistakes, I was implying you were wrong to be so harsh on Roxy for the apostrophe error with my typo comment. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. Although I do dispute your comment that there are mistakes "littered" all over the blogs section. But if you wish to do your research and present examples, I shall stand corrected.
whatever the criticisms, you have to admit this article is living up to its title.
Damn you #16 you stole the clever comment I was about to make!
Just to clarify, I (as #11) am not #5. Why should I do the editor's job for them and find their mistakes? All I'm saying is that I'm put off reading this section because of poor sentence structuring and lazy editing. It's just some advice to stop comments like #5's; it's supposed to be beneficial. But if you want to remain stubborn, claim there's nothing wrong with things as they are and keep getting negative feedback, that's your choice.
I though it was a moderately amusing satirical piece. Why the vitriol?
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