That Girl from Derwent dwells on the value of religion this Christmas.
That Girl from Derwent has learned a few more things about prejudice since moving up North.
That Girl From Derwent reckons if you're going to be offensive, you should find a better reason.
That Girl from Derwent considers why it is that some words have wider implications than others.
So, what’s changed?
University, that’s what.
First, let me tell you what a day used to be for me. I’d get up about 6.45am… to get to school at 8.45am – when we only lived about 15 minutes away! I’d then work hard through all my lessons, and get home about 4pm. Homework was done straight away and then I might spend an hour or so on the computer after tea before going to bed to read until I slept.
I never drank. Boys were simply great friends and barely registered as anything else. I worked most of the time and rarely went out – never clubbing. My theory was to get amazing A levels, get to a good university: then have fun.
I did both, and now I’m starting to fully embrace the third. But I’m worried that I’ve changed too much. In the short time I’ve been at university, even my flatmates have noticed how much I’ve changed. I go out at least once a week, not just on occasions. I spend whole days away from work. I think nothing of drinking random alcohols or energy drinks. I text all the time. I know more people than I have ever known in my life – and meet them in the most random of places!
But have I changed for the better?
Well, the thing about University is that the highs are higher, but the lows are lower. I’m having the most fun I ever had and try not to think too much about things – but when I do, I really think about them. And sometimes I think I’m becoming a bad person.
I’m far too busy to see people sometimes, especially flatmates. “It’s more fun this way” has become my catchphrase, sometimes to the detriment of other people. I’m not going to lie; I’m a bit of a flirt – because, well, it’s more fun that way. But not thinking about one’s actions can lead to hurting some people, however much fun it means I have. In many ways, I’ve become the kind of person that I had always hated at school. The girl I’d glared at in the common room because she always seemed to be laughing, while I’d sat with my book and my guy friends.
I realised a long time ago that I envied her confidence.
I’ve only just realised that’s what I’m unsure about. All my life I expected to be shy and reserved, and I came to university expecting to stay that way. First, I used alcohol as a crutch to meet people. I don’t need it anymore. I can meet people at sports clubs, at train stations and outside lectures.
But why should this be a bad thing? I’m still the nerd I used to be. My flatmates still have “Star Wars Sundays” and watch geeky YouTube videos. And every time I hurt someone or let people down I feel awful about it. I still have my moral compass, and while it’s just a little easier to ignore at certain times, it always outs. I may not see all my friends as much as I should, but I take the time to see the ones that mean the most to me. Likewise, I spend more time having fun than doing work, but I’m not failing, and when it counts I can ignore the call of fun to devote a week or so to an essay.
Now I’ve realised what it is – I’m living. For the first time in my life, I have the freedom and the confidence to do exactly what I want to. And if fresher’s year isn’t the time to do so, I don’t know when is.
After all, it’s better to regret the things we do, than regret the things we don’t. Even if it’s only to learn from our mistakes.
"After all, it’s better to regret the things we do, than regret the things we don’t. Even if it’s only to learn from our mistakes."
Wise words. The person that hasn't made any mistakes hasn't done anything at all. It's just a pity that retrospect can be so torturous.
This is one of the best Yorker articles I've ever read. It is incredibly hard to write self-analysis without sounding self-indulgent or preachy, but you have done this so perfectly. A pleasure to read - please keep writing. (No pressure! 
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A good piece - I started thinking, oh not another one about energy drinks - then worried it was going to turn into a "look at how crazy I am now" article - but you surprised me. Good reading.
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