The ghost of Christmas past

Marley's ghost visits scrooge

I don’t think, however, that either I or Mister Dickens ever imagined the significance that ‘the ghosts of Christmas past’ would play in the life of a twenty something student.

That’s right, it is of course the ex! Successfully avoided during term time, they return home at Christmas to haunt your holidays with traditional seasonal angst and frustration. Wherever you turn, there they are. The worst thing is that all your school friends knew you as a couple, and therefore think it is bizarre that you aren’t sat next to each other, deep in conversation.

They then make ROOM for you, edging themselves along the bar, so that the only place you can stand is exactly where you do not want to be! Resistance is futile however, and you know your fate for the evening has been sealed.

Last Christmas, finding myself in this exact situation, my mind became awash with memories. While he rambled on about his new girlfriend, a blonde six footer on a dancing scholarship, I realised I was no longer listening. The ghost of Christmas past had well and truly transported me back in time, to a situation far more entertaining than the one I was now in...

“Goodnight Mum”, I said, smiling as she shut the door behind her. Underneath the covers I was fully dressed, having become rather a pro at these midnight wanderings. I was waiting for my boyfriend to come and pick me up, the only snag being it was half eleven at night and I had school the next day! I listened carefully until I was sure my parents had gone to bed. Then I made the phone call…

“The coast is clear, I’ll be out in a second”. I strategically positioned my pillows under the covers, and threw on my shoes. Dragging my desk chair over to the window, I opened it as far as it would go, and climbed up onto the sill. After confirming the lack of parental movement I launched myself out of the window, landing somewhat awkwardly it must be said.

Before you fear the worst, let me reassure you. My parents' house is a bungalow, and so my daredevil exploit was slightly less in need of a stunt double than you might think! Even so, it was still quite a feat.

Reaching up I pushed the window until it appeared almost shut, but with enough room for me to get my fingers in between to reopen it on my return. Then I ran to the end of the drive and jumped in the car…

Harsh and incessant beeping awoke me from my slumber. The boyfriend and I were curled up together on the back seat of his car, snuggled under the duvet we had long ago taken to storing permanently in the boot. Yawning I reached over to turn off the alarm – 5.30am! ‘Come on you’, I said, ‘lets get me home before the jailers wake up!’.

It was only after we walked up the drive, and he bent down to leg me back up and through the window, that I realised something was wrong. ‘SHIT SHIT SHIT’, I whispered, ‘the window is completely shut!’. I was later informed by my sister that the wind had pulled the window back open, and the force of this had knocked all my pictures off the sill.

My dad had come in to see what was wrong and had replaced the pictures and shut the window, never once realising that I was not in fact in bed. All this was unknown to me at the time however, and I was seized with complete panic. We retreated to the car for plan B…

I realised that I couldn’t get back in the house until my parents began their morning routine. Mum would be up at 6 to walk the dogs and see to the horses, so I had to wait until then before letting myself in the front door. I would also have to time it so I didn’t bump into dad on his way either to or from the shower… timing was key! As we sat formulating this plan I happened to glance back towards the drive. My stomach dropped so fast that I thought I might be sick…

‘Oh my God! It snowed last night. Our footprints lead straight up to the window. What the hell are we going to do?!’...

Now, I don’t know how many of you have seen 101 Dalmatians, but for those of you that have, no prizes for guessing what happened next. Propelling ourselves out of the car at about a hundred miles an hour we began breaking off branches from the Fir tree at the end of my drive. Manically sweeping the floor with our branches, my boyfriend and I offered great amusement to the neighbour walking her dog past the drive. ‘Good morning’ I said, offering my most winning smile, and then continued with my whirling dervish impression!

Hearing the backdoor slam we raced to the car and reversed around the corner. After watching my Mum safely pass us and head up the hill we eased back into the drive. I glanced at my watch, Dad was probably in the shower at this point, the coast was as clear as it would ever be. I jumped out the car and carefully walked backwards up the drive in my Mum's footprints.

I put the key in the lock, opened the door, and stepped inside. Hearing the shower running I breathed a sigh of relief and ran to my room. Within twenty seconds I was in my pyjamas and back under the covers, just in time for my dad to knock on the door, pop his head in and say ‘up you get lazybones, you’ll be late for the bus’...

It was only after this trip down memory lane that I realised how simple our sex lives are at university. If we choose to bring someone home, we open the door and walk straight in. Of course, if the person is not your partner, then yes you may run the risk of blushing a little red when the two of you bump into a housemate with a knowing grin. Compared to the gauntlet of sex in the parental home however, this is nothing!

So take comfort from this when confronted with the ghost of your Christmas past this holiday season! We have all come so far since coming to university. Even if this is your first year, you are no longer a school girl/boy. You live alone, you can have who you want when you want back to your room, and no one can question it.

Your ex is so far removed from this, the Christmas of your present, that they no longer have the power to dampen your spirits. So this time, smile and acknowledge the ex and the gap next to them at the bar, but then grab your friends and walk away. It is time to lay that ghost to rest!

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