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However, although we are all happy to admit we play for a particular team, or attend a particular class, there appears to be a certain "league table" for which the waters are somewhat murkier. It is of course, the dating league (or the "league of love" for alliterative purposes!). It is a league that the majority would deny, at least in public: “Of course he's not out of your league, you could totally get him”. Or, more often than not, to themselves: “he/she is in a different league to me, there is no way…”
At times, we might be right on the money! As much as I’d love to believe that we live in a world of ideals and equality, I know that this isn’t the case. First impressions, whether they be physical, intellectual, even comic, are hugely important. Everyone has their own version of "attractive", but, more often than not, this will seem to lie within the boundaries of "league", even if entirely on a subconscious level!
Although none of us are perfect, and have no right to assign people to certain leagues, this doesn’t stop us. I don’t believe that this makes us callous or bitchy, but instead reflects the society in which we have been brought up. We just can’t help it, the square peg goes in the square hole, right?!
Now, after firmly establishing our blameless position on such judgements in general, I can move onto such a scenario, specifically…
I have a friend, who likes a boy. Unfortunately, it is against her better judgement.
I have a friend, who likes a boy. Unfortunately, it is against her better judgement
He is pleasant, athletic, easy to converse with and considerate of her feelings. It would seem, however, that this is not enough. Apparently she does not find him facially attractive, and as such is refusing to embark on a public relationship with him, for fear of being placed "in his league"!
Now, before you race to the bottom of this column to comment on the audacity and narrow mindedness of my friend, I would ask you to first read on with an open mind. When she first admitted her predicament, I was horrified, I couldn’t believe that such a comment had come out of her mouth! As she talked however, I began to wonder if it was really her words that were so shocking, or rather the fact that she had said them aloud!
We Brits are extremely concerned with political correctness and being seen to both do and say the right thing in all social situations. So, when someone admits to something as seemingly superficial and meaningless as refusing to go out with someone because their face “reminds her of Donkey from Shrek”, is this person entirely off par, or would many of us be secretly thinking the same thing?
After meeting Donkey for myself though, I had to admit she had a point. As she turned to me and said “So?”, I could only respond with, ”Well, he isn’t really in your league… but that’s ok!”
We have no right to classify people, and yet we do. In fact, I wonder if my friend really is as heartless as she at first appears. If it were me, I would not be dating him on the quiet, I wouldn’t be dating him at all! She at least gave him a chance… although if I were him I think I would prefer a straightforward "no", rather than a "yes, but only under the cover of darkness, and provided you wear a paper bag over your head when meeting my friends"!
I’m not going to judge my friend. And I’m not going to say that I think she is wrong. Like I said, such behaviour is a reflection of our upbringing and is almost to be expected. However, the good thing is, that even if leagues do exist, they are not set in stone. I mean, if jock falling for science nerd was out of the question, then where would the story lines for most teenage chick flicks come from?!
Leagues are an expectation, our attempt to put people into boxes because it makes us feel more comfortable. However, if you, like my friend, think you fancy someone from another league then, regardless of whether this is "above" or "below" where you have positioned yourself, don’t let that stop you. Think outside that box – the scandal will make it far more enjoyable!
I think this article promotes a fascist, nazi approach to dating. Leagues only exist because people in the media create them in the public's mind.
the media? it's everyone buddy. even you i guess. it's human instinct to lump people together in leagues, classes or races. that's just the way it is i'm afraid.
re: Annon #1
your comment is ridiculous. This article neither promotes nor endorses anything, it just states the way the writer sees a situation.
As for leagues only existing as a result of the media, thats ridiculous. Even without the media you would still be attracted to a certain type as a result of your own feelings. and as the article states, its not a hard and fast rule, but it is there!
I think we've all been in a situation where we have judged people on their appearance. whether it's the sleazy guy in Gallery who tries to dance with us, or the really hot guy on the football team at high school that we never thought we had a chance with. We judge people on looks all the time. It's a fact of life. we know we shouldn't but we do. get over it.
Have to admit watched Superbad and thought no way would that fit girl go out with the fat, curly haired Seth in real life.
She was blatantly only dating him to get closer to Mclovin'
The article says more about the people in question than society on whole.
i bet the person who wrote #1 is ugly
I can't believe people think this isn't the way things are. If you know someone's not amazingly attractive, you're reluctant to go out with them - because who doesn't want a hot Prince Charming?
Believing that looks don't matter at all is naïve and idealistic. It's natural instinct, it's the first impression most people get of someone and with most people believing sex is a key part in a relationship, sex-appeal is clearly also a key factor.
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