As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
Perhaps baby boys experience a severe lack of oxygen when propelled through the birth canal. Perhaps the nurse who delivered them, seeking revenge from being stood up at the weekend by another of their ‘kind’, deliberately drops the baby boy on its head (out of sight of the mother of course). I have no idea, but I am sure there is more to it than a mere genetic tail!
I am also sure that our generation of women is not alone in its emotional trauma, but I do think previous generations had it a lot easier. Cave men actually had an excuse not to contact you for days at a time because lighting that smoke signal from a 100 miles away really did take a phenomenal amount of effort. Picking up your mobile and typing the words “Hello, how are you today?” is, in comparison, pretty easy. Try telling that to your 21st century man, however, and you can bet the response will be both indignant and unsatisfactory.
I have found myself in this situation on more than one occasion. In fact, today is no exception. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if my phone really did go off as it is currently so close to me that the sound might actually cause a mild palpitation. Checking it becomes an addiction, a drug that you must satisfy. You know it's on loud, you checked that five minutes ago as well, yet you press the enter button over and over – just in case you’ve become temporarily hard of hearing!
This is a situation that I am willing to bet the remainder of my student loan (which is sadly a very insignificant amount, but the sentiment is there) that every girl out there has found themselves in. What I want to know, though, is why?
In most cases you were asked for your number, and were at first the victim of persistent questions of a most mundane nature – "How old are you?", "What do you study?", "Do you live on campus?", etc. Although expecting the male admirer to inquire where you stand on the nature versus nurture debate would be a little unorthodox, it would be nice to shake things up a little every now and again…
Needless to say you replied and slowly became accustomed to the textual attention. You go for a couple of drinks with said male, run up your phone bill on a few late night heart-to-hearts, and soon become comfortable with your active mobile phone status. Then it stops. Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever.
You walk from room to room, mobile in hand, ever at the ready. To no avail. Without any say in the matter you find yourself alone, and ever so slightly confused.
It’s not the rejection that leaves us straining our eyes and ears for that message tone, rather the utter nonsensical nature of the entire situation. Don’t start what you can’t finish boys, or at least, don’t start what you can’t declare finished.
I wish to make it clear at this point that I am not a raging feminist, neither am I "down on men". If I were then these columns would be distinctly short of material! As it is however, I am merely voicing the question that I am sure many girls out there would love answered: Why the silent treatment? We women may have the reputation for being irrational and emotionally unstable but perhaps, if a man actually took a chance and told us how they were feeling, they might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome (although there will still be some girls who scream and throw things, but it takes all sorts right?).
I appreciate, however, that we women are not entirely blameless. I myself am often guilty of providing mixed signals and remaining in situations with which I am not entirely happy. However, when I finally decide that a "taxi for one" is necessary, I accept my duty and make the uncomfortable and stilted coffee date/phone call/ text message/ facebook wall post (not quite, but I’m sure it is a possibility) that the situation deems necessary.
It’s never easy or pleasant: your throat is dry and somehow you develop both a compulsive twitch that you never knew you had, and a stutter/inability to articulate that you experience only in moments such as these. But you do it! Or at least I do, and I know that the majority of my girlfriends do as well. The men in my life however… they just stop calling! Now what’s "manly" about that?
It’s the natural way of life that what goes up, must come down. Anyone daring enough to enter the world of dating politics knows that any contact with the opposite sex comes with the potential for disaster. It is an unavoidable risk, and the frequency with which you take it comes down to how often you are willing to gamble with your emotional stability!
I won’t stop giving out my number, and I won’t stop striking up conversations with interesting and attractive characters. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that the man who offers me a definitive and explanatory end to whatever exists between us will, evermore, receive both my gratitude, and my respect.
Throughout this piece, I was constantly wondering how many of the texts, calls and emails to which you allude were initiated by you, and how many were instigated by your erstwhile interlocutor.
Moving away for a moment from the relationship sphere, imagine a friendship in which you were an almost entirely passive participant. You never start conversations, never suggest doing something together, never take the initiative. How long do you think that would last?
Apart from dubious precedent, why is it reasonable to view relationships so differently? Not all men are cut out for 'the chase'. If you play hard to get, I will assume you don't care and move on. That may not seem like the best dating strategy out there (and trust me, it's not), but unfortunately that is the way I seem to work.
Try treating these relationships more like any other relationship. Sure there are differences between men and women, but we have a lot more in common than separates us - you don't have to look too hard to find it.
The next time you find yourself waiting by your phone, try picking it up and sending a "Hello, how are you today?" text instead. You may be pleasantly surprised.
i think the idea is that this 'hello how are you today' text will have been sent, along with copious others... and it has become entirely one sided by the point the writer is referring to...
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