Sex, hormones and aromas

According to this article, men and women are attracted to each other as a result of smell. Smells emitted by hormones that is, not as advertising would have us believe, the latest Lynx deodorant spray or Chanel perfume. Our bodies are apparently entirely in tune with these smells and subconsciously seek another whose smell complements ours.

Perfect! Our bodies are capable of managing this all by themselves, and therefore we can put our feet up and be sure that sooner or later we will smell our way to Mr Right.

However, as with every perfect plan, there is a catch. According to the article, women on the pill are no longer able to correctly identify their ideal smell partner. Their hormones are all out of whack, and as such, they end up chasing the wrong smell. Thinking they are with the right man they marry, decide to have children, and come off the pill. Suddenly their sexual sense of smell is back, they realise that this person is not actually their ideal partner, but by then it’s too late: they are invested. Cue difficult marriage and the rise in divorce rates!

Thank goodness we are now aware of this - we all knew that going on the pill would come with side effects, but who knew that alongside weight gain and emotional instability, we would also be inviting even more relationship anguish into our lives? Brilliant! So now we need to come off the pill, en masse, and know that although our chances of becoming pregnant are raised significantly, at least it will be with someone whose hormonal smell is compatible with our own!

Let me offer my own little anecdote of support for this theory…

A few Fridays ago I was out on the town with the girls, drinking cocktails and having a fantastic time. Returning to the bar for yet another I noticed that the tall, dark, handsome stranger propping up the bar to my right was staring in my general direction. Not one to ignore such a situation I made a suitably witty and engaging remark, and two hours later our conversation was still going strong. As my friends finally dragged me away he wrote his number on a piece of paper and asked me to call him some time. Feeling smug and exceptionally drunk, I tottered out of the bar grasping the piece of paper tightly between my somewhat shaking fingers.

Of course I would call him, why wouldn’t I? He was charming, articulate, entertaining and yummy… oh so yummy!

Of course I would call him, why wouldn’t I? He was charming, articulate, entertaining and yummy… oh so yummy!

However, on meeting him for coffee a few days later, I was horrified to realise that every scrap of attraction I had felt for him had disappeared. Evaporated completely into thin air! Now, I had been very drunk by the time I left him, but when I first began talking to him, I would describe my state as warmly merry. Yet later, stone cold sober and in the harsh light of day, I couldn’t wait to get away. He was still all the adjectives mentioned above, but the spark was no longer there. And I couldn’t understand it.

In the light of the aforementioned conversation however, I now have the answer. I no longer have to berate myself for being totally mad and needing help! It is not my fault that I have the emotional attention span of an amoeba, no - it is the pill! That tiny little blue tablet was causing me to be attracted to someone who was wrong for me, or at least they smelled wrong for me. And there we have it: constantly changing my mind about someone is a direct result of this hormonal battle being acted out inside of me.

Fantastic! I love it! All these years I have had no one to blame but myself, and now there is a scapegoat…

Could it have been the alcohol? No, absolutely not. I put my faith in science and as such I need look no further than that pesky little pill! End of!

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