As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
As we drained the last drops of wine from our glasses, I realised that we had reached the awkward part of the evening. To kiss or not to kiss! I knew I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t want to make the first move for fear of appearing too forward. Instead I made some ridiculous comment about there being food in his hair, thus allowing myself to lean forward into the line of his kiss…
When we finally separated I could barely keep the Cheshire cat grin off my face. However, this changed quickly as he said, "You didn’t need to make up that rubbish about my hair you know, I was going to kiss you anyway…but I appreciate the sentiment!" Drowning in mortification I attempted to change the subject, but apparently he found my blushing endearing, and soon we were once more locked in a passionate embrace.
Despite this slight faux pas on my part, the boy and I had a second date. It went just as well as the first and as I left him to go to work, I felt as if I was walking on air. I was in danger of becoming one of those nauseatingly smitten girls that I despised, but frankly my dear, I didn’t give a damn!
I had made no attempt to disguise my giddiness, and so it was not surprising that my work colleagues began to pick up on it. Soon the questions were flying in, and within minutes I had revealed that it was indeed a boy, we had been on two dates, and I really quite liked him. Whilst I had anticipated the cat calls and general banter, I had not prepared myself for the following piece of male advice: “Well, you’re gonna have to sleep with him the next time you see him. If you haven’t slept with him by the third date he is going to think it’s not worth it. I guarantee, if there is no sex next time, then there won’t be a fourth date!”
My reaction to this statement was mixed. Initially I felt a sense of panic, then I dismissed his words as ridiculous. Following this I became angry that romance appeared to be entirely dead, and also that women now seemed to have a three date window to prove they were not frigid!
So what was a girl to do? I didn’t sleep with him on the first date because I didn’t want to appear easy, but now I was in danger of appearing uptight and sexless? This was ridiculous, but all my male colleagues were confirming his words…
The evening of our third date arrived. Although I had no intention of being peer pressured into sleeping with my new boy, my colleague’s words continued to reside in the back of my mind. I really liked him, and I wanted a fourth date… but I also didn’t want him to lose respect for me. I was so angry at my colleagues for putting this catch-22 on my otherwise dreamlike romance.
As the evening wore on chatting led to flirting, flirting to kissing, and kissing to wandering hands…! Suddenly I realised that I was comfortable, I trusted him, and I really wanted him. My mind was made up, and everything about my decision felt right.
As a result of this experience however, I must pose the question to you dear readers: is it simply a matter of how many dates? Is it more to do with passion and/or strength of feelings? Or is it about feeling comfortable and ready? I am confident that my male colleagues were having me on, but I wonder if there is an underlying truth to their words. Men and women often view sex from such different corners, could this be yet another example?
And just for the record, I think we're now up to date seven!
It's not just a question of number of dates, but rather the other feeling comfortable/passion things you mentioned. At least imo, everybody's different.
Definitely not the number of dates, more depends on the personalities of both people and their histories etc.
As for prospective long-term relationships, I'd put off sleeping with someone for as long as reasonably possible just because as a guy it's partly the thrill of the chase that keeps me interested. If I get what "all men are after" early on, it kinda kills that off. Although I tend to fall fast and hard, I can lose interest pretty quickly once if I've got laid and not had any proper feelings develop yet. (Hmm... psychological issues?!)
But as I said, this varies too much from person to person to sum it up so easily. For example some guys, whilst they still want it, might lose respect for you if you give it up too early, whilst others may just give up if they don't get it within a certain timeframe.
A deadline makes things easier. It's either make or break rather than dragging things out that will just fizzle or taking too long to get to something that could be amazing.
I do think at the end of the day though that just because you sleep with a guy doesn't make them think you're easy. This is a common mis-conception that girls have. It's your attitude that makes them think you're easy or not. It has nothing to do with if you sleep with them on the first, second, third or thirty third date.
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