The crotchless thong: why?

Of course I appreciate that this is perhaps a somewhat prudish attitude. Sexy lingerie is not supposed to provide a functional purpose, instead it is designed to cause such unprecedented desire that within seconds it will be ripped off and discarded in a dark corner of the bedroom. Yet personally, I really could not see this particular piece of lingerie causing such an effect.

Suspenders yes! A definite tick there. The crotchless thong however… I just fail to see how that would arouse anyone. Surely one of the most alluring things about underwear is its ability to reveal a person's figure, whilst still maintaining a sense of something yet to come. If that "something" is then on display, surely that delicious tingle of imaginative desire is somewhat removed.

As I pondered over this item now within my possession, I also began to wonder about various other items of sexual clothing - outfits for example! I remembered that on my 17th birthday one of my girlfriends bought me a French maid’s outfit. (Spotting a pattern here - I can deduce that my friends are either attempting to liven up my sex life, or they view me as a rather kinky character to which such items are a necessity... hmmm!) However, I was somewhat taken aback by this gift, and quickly stowed it away at the bottom of a drawer.

On discovering that I had such an outfit in my possession, my then boyfriend insisted that I dress up in it the next time we had the house to ourselves. I was not entirely comfortable with this prospect, but as we had been together for about eight months by this point, he seemed as safe a person as any to experiment with! So, when the time came, I decided that if I was going to do this I would do it properly…

After about twenty minutes of "making out" teenage style, I decided that I was about ready. Kinkily tying his hands behind his head I stripped him down to his boxers and demanded that he remain where he was. I ran to my room and slipped on the outfit. To be honest, it didn’t look half bad, and this smug sense of satisfaction transferred itself into a huge rush of adrenalin, which I hold fully responsible for what came next.

Tottering back along the landing in my four inch heels I decided that it was important that I got fully into character. My drama A-level was going to come in handy here! I found a long blue feather duster (please don’t ask why there was one of these in my house, I dread to imagine that it may have been used in a similar fashion before…) at the back of the laundry room cabinet which I threw across my shoulder. Thus armed I returned to my vulnerable and prostrate boyfriend…

Now I have no idea whether he was in a complete state of shock, or whether he was so turned on that he felt no desire to question or ridicule any of my actions, but it was amazing! After declaring that he was a very dirty boy who needed cleaning with my feather duster, I whipped off our respective underwear and proceeded to have absolutely mind blowing sex. It really was fantastic. Perhaps as a result of this role play our inhibitions were lowered – I personally could not have been more self conscious and so I felt I had nothing left to lose. He had very little choice in the matter as a result of being tied up, and so was forced to go with the flow. Whatever the reason, neither of us found the situation laughable, but instead were 100% into it and incredibly turned on.

Yet I can’t help but feeling that a French maid’s outfit is somehow different to a crotchless thong. To me, the latter was just one step too far. Instead of being kinky, it had become filthy. While the outfit implied naughtiness and role play, the crotchless thong removed the process of play in order to take you with the utmost ease to the stage of sex. Can people not wait anymore? Is it so hard to remove our partners clothing that we have to make it with huge slits in the middle so that nothing can delay our animal urges?

Of course, I could have this entirely wrong. It might merely be that having sex with underwear on is rather sexy, and so in this way it is made practical and functional. I appreciate that this may be the case, but in my opinion, if I were to don that thong for a current partner, I would have to be both drunk, and in a long term relationship. The fear of causing that person to believe I was some filthy nymphomaniac would be too prevalent for me to casually make use of such an item of clothing.

And so, it would seem entirely fitting that as I write this, my housemate is returning the thong for me, and hopefully exchanging it for something a little more substantial. Now come on, you can’t expect me to do it myself now can you? I have my reputation to think of…

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