"Honestly, we're just friends!"

I also wonder how many of us who uttered those words were actually just trying to convince the other person with our answer, and how many of were just trying to convince ourselves.

In my experience, there are only two reasons why men and women remain “just friends”. The first reason, being that either or both parties are in a relationship with someone else. The second that either or both parties do not find the other attractive. I do not believe that the title of “friends” has any boundaries or unspoken laws that stand firm at all. If two friends find each other attractive and are either single or, let’s face it, cheaters, then the fact that they are “friends” is not going to keep them apart.

I accept that there are occasions where risking ruining a perfectly good friendship could hinder your decision to take things further.

However, this is only in the beginning stages, the sort of hindrance that would stop you randomly pulling or embarking on a “to be regretted in the morning” one night stand. If, after weeks or months the crush on said friend shows no signs of abating, then the problem of ruining your friendship becomes increasingly less of an issue.

As a result of your feelings, the friendship is inevitably doomed with or without your interference. As soon as he or she finds a new partner, your feelings of jealousy will undoubtedly begin to change the dynamics of your friendship. Even without the addition of a new partner, your own self-consciousness around your friend will inevitably affect things.

I know for a fact that, when I have developed strong feelings for a male friend in the past, the only factors preventing me from telling him how I feel have been the presence of a girlfriend and/or the worry, or indeed conviction, that he would never feel the same way. I think rejection plays a very strong part in the decisions we make regarding the opposite sex, but never more so than when the other person is a friend.

In this instance the stakes are so much higher. If you both feel the same way then great! Excellent! You already have that solid footing on which to begin your relationship.

However, if your attraction is unrequited, then the dynamics of your friendship are well and truly altered, and to be honest, you’ll probably feel a bit shit too, and your relationship will change forever. Essentially, developing a crush on a friend is a Catch-22 situation, and no action that you can take will be without its consequence.

The question of whether men and women can just be friends is something that many people feel very strongly about. I definitely believe that they can, and I personally could not imagine life without some of my closest male friends. However, I know that the reason we are friends and nothing more has very little to do with our mutual respect for the “sanctity” of this title. In our cases it has rather more to do with other partners and a lack of sexual attraction from one or both of us.

I honestly believe that if two friends feel strongly enough about each other, then risking their friendship will seem a small price to pay for the possibility of true love. It is important to remember that no matter how solid a friendship is its boundaries and limitations are not concrete. Rules were made to be broken.

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