Opposites attract... or do they?

Written by Foxy Woods

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that, over the Easter holidays, I went to the cinema to watch 27 Dresses. Now although the film itself was a painful waste of £5.50, this particular issue was an important part of the plot line. Not only does the main character’s sister become engaged to the man that she is in love with, but she does so after lying about every aspect of her character.

Suddenly, from eating meat, drinking beer, smoking and spending all her money on expensive designer outfits, the sister becomes a ladylike vegetarian who spends her money on charitable actions and her spare time in the great outdoors.

Although this may be an extreme example, it does beg the question – when are these little fabrications merely harmless attempts to make a relationship run smoothly, and when do they cross the line into complete and utter falsehood?

In order to impress my mother, my father informed her that he also had a great love for horses and that if she ever fancied a date to the local stables he would be more than happy to accompany her on a hack around the countryside.

Unfortunately, when she took him up on this offer, his assumption that he would just sit there and hang on did not prove to be entirely accurate. Half an hour after they set off she found him lying in a ditch, filthy and bruised, with no idea where his horse was. He had failed to grasp the concept of speed control and had taken off at a full gallop immediately upon reaching the field. Unable to stop his horse he had eventually decided that slipping off the side would at least quicken the inevitable, and this was how my mother found him.

Eventually they found his horse and walked back to the stables. Luckily, when my mother asked him why he had lied about his horse riding prowess and my father responded, “because I wanted to impress you”. She found this endearing. This is apparently an example of truth bending that would classify as a harmless fabrication; the only thing hurt was my father’s pride.

However, a family friend was not quite so lucky. In fact her story is somewhat similar to the film I mentioned before. This friend was somewhat of a party animal - she liked to drink, smoke, eat meat and party until the early hours of the morning. However, upon falling in love with an eco-warrior something had to change, and slowly these vices were cast by the wayside.

Or so he thought…

The night before the wedding however he found her drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette, burger in hand, round the back of the hotel where they were staying. For about 4 hours the wedding was off, but luckily after many tears and promises things went ahead as planned.

The thing is though, was this an outright lie on her behalf? She had every intention of improving her lifestyle, of giving up these vices eventually, but she just hadn’t managed things as quickly as she might have led her fiancé to believe. On the other hand though, these particular issues were things he took very much to heart. They were an essential part of the way he lived his life, and therefore to lie about them to him was actually a really serious thing to do.

He would never have proposed to her if he thought for a second that she was still continuing to behave in this way, and so to deceive him in this way was to actively corrupt his decision making powers.

It would seem therefore, that as with a lot of things, the consequences of our actions must be taken into account in this situation. Checking out someone’s profile on facebook in order to impress them with similar favourite films and CDs is pretty harmless, and will give you something to talk about. Eventually, if the relationship develops, you can slowly introduce them to your actual favourite films and CDs, and hopefully find some middle ground.

Failing that, admitting your actions may even endear you to your partner, as was the case for my parents.

In terms of my own life, I don’t think I have ever actively sought to deceive someone into believing that I am something I am not. Naturally I have concealed certain indiscretions that might not add too kindly to the image I am trying to present, but nothing that would hurt or upset them were they to find out. In my opinion, as long as you remain truthful about the fundamental aspects of your character, your beliefs and principles, then claiming to be able to mountain climb when you actually suffer from vertigo is not really so evil after all – especially if you get the boy at the end of it!

So by all means, continue to browse those profiles and ever so slightly bend the truth – just make sure no one runs the risk of getting hurt.

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