The Big 'O'

Sometimes its not all systems go...

Written by Lady O

We tend to assume that men only enjoy sex if they reach orgasm but whilst discussing this with a male friend, he claimed that men could have good sex without achieving orgasm. Now I know I’ve had great sex without one but there’s no escaping the fact that it’s different for men and women; it’s easier and quicker for men to come and as we know, very few women will reach orgasm through penetration alone (although women who fake it might lead some men to believe otherwise; don’t fake it- you’re cheating him and cheating yourself).

Anyway, this got me thinking; much as I’d like it to be true I just can’t quite reconcile myself with the idea that men can really enjoy sex without an orgasm. A recent encounter proved orgasm-less for both me and the man involved. Much of this I put down to the vast amounts of alcohol that had been consumed earlier in the evening, however as the night wore on I realised that every time he was starting to get close he’d slow himself down again. Now he definitely gets full marks for stamina; he provided me with seemingly endless fun that night (and the next morning), yet I must admit to getting somewhat concerned- was I doing something wrong?

Did he suddenly find me hideously unattractive?

Yes, the make-up that I had so carefully troweled on prior to heading off to Gallery was now smeared down my face and my hair, as a result of all the rough and tumble, had worked itself into a matted bird nest at the back of my head that with a little more backcombing could probably rival Winehouse’s ‘do. And ok, I admit, I was pretty sweaty but so was he but I like to think it added to the eroticism of the scene, as long as I assume this was the result of a humid evening and some very active sex rather than the beer sweats.

No, he definitely found me attractive. Apart from the concern that was growing in my head about my own ineptitude I was beginning to get a little bored and wanted to know he was satisfied, then we could move onto me. When I asked him if there was anything he particularly liked that I could do to help him finish he said no, he was enjoying himself and was purposefully trying not to come so we could continue longer.

In the end the alcohol took its toll on both of us and we decided to give up. As it was I enjoyed the night and I’m pretty sure he did too.

Yet, on the other hand, I’ve known men who have clearly wanted to get straight to the finish line (before rolling over and falling asleep in seconds), not that this especially bothers me, if I want more I just wake them up and ask for it. So how does this work? I couldn’t help but be slightly bothered by his lack of orgasm, I suppose it provides a natural conclusion to precedings and I certainly wouldn’t want to put pressure on him if it wasn’t happening but I wanted it to happen and it didn’t.

He didn’t seem to particularly mind although I imagine he has more of an idea of why it hadn’t happened than I did- paranoia is so often fueled by ignorance.

After lengthy discussion with my faithful girlfriends I was reassured that excess alcohol was most likely the cause and I have since concluded that although the male orgasm is no doubt something to aim for it is not the be all and end all.

Yes, of course we’d all like to have one but as long as you have fun trying that’s what matters. So for now I’ll dispense with my concerns. Or perhaps I’ll go out on the pull and prove to myself that I haven’t lost my touch. Yes, that’s clearly the best idea. Although perhaps this time I’ll look for someone slightly less inebriated.

I have a point to prove now you know.

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