The Death of the First Date

The last time a man asked for my number and if he could take me out for a drink was when we were lying in my bed having only met the previous night.

Yes it was fun and yes we had a few good dates afterwards but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had we done things the “right way”. Certain mysteries of the first date are lost when you have already slept with the person in question.

Now why do we all seem to be ditching dating and just...getting together, as it were?

Perhaps it’s a sign of the times; in days gone by you would have had no chance of even getting a kiss until you had been out on a couple of dates, let alone anything else. Yet in this modern and sexually liberated world you can get a whole lot more without even buying them a drink or knowing their surname.

So perhaps we find we don’t need to ask people on dates. As a male friend of mine so nicely put it: “If you can get a shag without forking out for drinks and dinner then why bother?”

Now this is all very well in certain scenarios, usually when you and the object of your lustful thoughts are somewhat worse for wear at 1.30am in Gallery. But what about in day to day life, why aren’t more people asking for dates?

Is it due to embarrassment, the fear of rejection or just the worry that someone will think you’re a bit weird for going up to them as a relative stranger and asking them out? Perhaps it’s all these things but surely if there’s someone you find attractive then why not? There’s potentially a lot to be gained and very little to lose.

Personally, I’ve always been very impressed on the few occasions when a complete stranger has come over to talk to me in the street/on a train/in a shop because they found me attractive and wanted to take me out on a date. Even if I don’t initially fancy them, the confidence factor compels me to accept.

I have personally found men very flattered and pleased when I’ve asked them out on dates. So girls, it’s up to you too. If there’s a gentleman you like the look of (preferably not holding hands with another woman) why not just casually start chatting to him and ask him if he’d like to go out for a drink?

It’s not as scary as it seems.

My own proudest date request was during my younger years. I really fancied the guy who worked in my local HMV and one day I plucked up the courage to say to him: “I know I’m a total stranger but I think you’re quite attractive and I was wondering if you’d like to go out for a drink with me?”

I was pretty nervous but he looked absolutely chuffed and said yes. He took my number and texted me all evening; finally we found out each other’s names (I’d forgotten to introduce myself or ask his name earlier).

We went out for a drink a few days later and it was fun but there was no real spark. But the point of this story is that had I not asked him out, I would’ve just admired him from afar forever more. At least I got a nice date out of it.

So bring back the first date say I. If there’s someone you see every day on the bus or each time you pop into Starbucks and you think they’re a rather gorgeous specimen, just ask them out for a drink. They might say no and you’ll feel a bit deflated but then again they might say yes and trust me it’s worth it, even if nothing comes of it in the long run.

I myself will endeavour to ask more men out and I await the offers that I hope will come flooding in from the men of York who have read this article and been inspired.

Don’t let me down!

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