Magic Number

Now don’t get me wrong, I have no shame in the number of people I’ve slept with (why would I? I’ve had plenty of fun doing it…). I just have no desire to discuss my “Magic Number”, as it were, with current partners.

Of late, I’ve found the men who I’ve been involved with have seemed quite interested in talking numbers, especially when I tell them about this column (the assumption being that in order to write a sex and relationships column, I must have been involved with several men).

One man of my acquaintance seemed to enjoy talking at length about all his previous partners. The concept that he got about a bit was of no great surprise to me. But if the endless stories were supposed to impress upon me the notion of his sexual fortitude, or hint at how lucky I was to be his current squeeze, then they failed. It just seemed rather ridiculous that he thought it would be of any interest to me.

I sensed also that these stories were designed to goad me into asking just how many women he had slept with; thereby not only giving him licence to proudly proclaim his number, but also allowing him the right to ask the same of me. I chose not to rise to the bait, therefore we still have not “exchanged numbers”.

The reason for my reluctance to discuss this is quite legitimate; I firmly believe that nothing can really be gained from knowing how many people your partner has slept with.

Unfortunately ladies, we are more likely to suffer judgement based on our sexploits...because life really is that unfair.

It’s surely more a morbid curiosity than anything else that compels us to want to know. In my case, I admit that (rather ridiculously) I feel quite competitive about the whole thing. I dislike knowing that a man is more experienced than me; hence I would rather not know.

Talking numbers is also somewhat destructive; we all love to assume certain things about people depending on their numbers: “she’s a slut” “he’s frigid” etc. Of course, this is all complete rubbish; but this mode of judging people is so deeply ingrained in us that it’s difficult not to.

I admit, if a man I was seeing told me he had slept with 100 people, yes I would think he was a bit easy, a bit of a slag and probably not to be trusted not to cheat on me. Whereas if he had slept with two people, I’d be far more inclined to think him trustworthy.

Unfortunately ladies, we are more likely to suffer judgement based on our sexploits...because life really is that unfair. We should not have to put up with this, so don’t be afraid to challenge anyone who attempts to label you based on your number.

Surely then, there is no point asking numbers. It means we make pointless assumptions about people we know and like, and it can even provoke us to change our feelings about them, unjust as this is.

A number is just a number; it doesn’t make that guy you really like a slag, and it doesn’t make that girl you really like frigid, so what’s the point in asking?

Everyone’s situation and experience is different; there’s no “too many” or “too few”. Gentlemen; do not feel obliged to “add three”, and ladies; don’t feel you must “subtract three” to attain a respectable number.

Judge the person you sleep with for themselves, not their number. It really won’t tell you anything about them. Certainly not anything you want to hear anyway…

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