Addiction to Globalism

Perhaps I have some unfulfilled desire to travel the world which I’ve replaced by seducing its occupants. Perhaps I just enjoy boasting about my personal internationalism and understanding of other cultures. Either way, I can’t seem to stop throwing myself at foreign men and I’ve formed some interesting observations along the way. I apologise in advance for any offence these stereotypical judgements may cause, they are by no means global observations, mere personal ponderings and drunken musings.

Irish boys have the most attractive accents ever. It honestly doesn’t matter if they don’t look like Colin Farrell, so long as they talk like him then I am there. Irishmen on holiday are the easiest to seduce because they are always drunk and game for anything. They may not be very good lovers due to their inebriated state, but they certainly are a good laugh.

Hispanic men are extremely attractive but rather too flirtatious. They would probably be up for seducing just about any woman and have no qualms about doing so blatantly. Like the Irish, they are easy to catch and I often use them to placate my addiction – with so many different countries speaking Spanish, these men represent a large chunk of my foreign conquests.

My favourite boys are the Scandinavians – they are stunningly attractive, highly entertaining, adequately challenging, and contain five massive countries to place on my map. I have learnt some basic phrases in each Scandinavian language to break the ice and bridge the cultural gap. Perhaps the only downside to these boys is that they’re so tall and I’m rather short.

Other nationalities on my map are Ozzies and Kiwis (oh so hot), Yanks (hot too!) and the odd eastern European. The problem I have is that York is full of Brits, making my international addiction hard to quench. As a result, I have replaced my world map with a map of England. It’s getting full.

They say all addictions are bad. However, I believe that this one has some surprisingly positive aspects. I now know basic phrases in several foreign languages, and my geographical knowledge has improved exponentially. I now know my Sussex from my Wessex and my Paraguay from my Uruguay quite well. I would honestly suggest all island-stranded people to experience what the continent and indeed the world has to offer. It’s surprisingly enjoyable while culturally educational.

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