The curse of coupledom

Even the swans are loved up - has coupledom gone too far?

It’s not that I’m jealous; I would pick debauchery over monogamy any day. Nor do I mind seeing couples engaged in PDA (public displays of affection); I do it all the time. It’s that being “taken” is an excuse for being a recluse.

Yes I know, not all couples hole themselves up in their rooms and forget how much Gallery entry costs. But compared to their first-term selves, all my loved up friends party significantly less. What’s their excuse? Well it’s a long one. They say there’s no need to drink to have fun – well that’s just outrageous – more likely the sex is better sober. They say there’s no point going out when you can’t pull – kind of true – more likely they can’t wait for their annoying single mates to get out of the way so they can have sex.

Yes I know this too, being in love isn’t just about sex. But at night it is actually all about sex. You know the drill: exchange the highlights of each other’s day, discuss the following day’s agenda, strip down to couple pyjamas (the invisible kind), have sex, pass out. I suppose what I’m getting at is the finality of relationships. People stop experimenting and start living to the detriment of their fellows.

I have just realised that next year I am living with five people, all of whom have found their significant other. I’m not worried about being lonely, actually I’m very excited about all the young freshers who will be arriving in York – fresh meat. Rather I am prematurely mourning next year’s lack of juicy gossip and crazy nights out in town with the housemates. I may be a pessimist but I assume when offered an hour long queue for Ziggy's or a night of steamy sex that they will all opt for the latter.

I know it’s nice having a boyfriend, especially one that cooks. I just wish freshers would wait a little while longer before settling down. There are so many amazing boys here to have fun with; how can couples realistically claim they have found “the one” after a mere six months at university?

To all those couples who don’t fit the old married couple mould, I salute you. If, however, you are going out half as much, cooking with your boyfriend and doing his laundry, wake up! I personally am still a teenager, my body is probably looking better now than it will ever be. So until I reach my mid-twenties crisis I refuse to do anything mildly adult. Instead, my goal for the week is to have sex in Ollie Lester and co.’s 10 Hidden Secrets at the University of York. Any takers?

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