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Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
The Guardian published a survey showing that the average male loses his virginity at 16, the average female at 17. So according to these statistics, for every virgin 20-year-old male, there must be a sexually active 12-year-old boy. What a scary thought.
Building on this statistic and personal experience, I naively assumed that only a very small group of people would come to university with an un-popped cherry. I figured people would have either been in a serious relationship before uni or had a really fun gap year. Not that either of these activities require sex; rather I had assumed they would.
However, there are a surprising number of virgins still out there with their early blooming child counterparts, which the Guardian must have questioned. Perhaps I had expected virgins to have the word plastered on their foreheads, for indeed I was certainly surprised about some individuals’ confessions. They didn’t exactly look like the Virgin Mary.
But this all sounds so judgemental. I was initially sceptical about why people would abstain from sex for so long - what was wrong with these people? My virgin friends weren’t ugly, they weren’t self-centred, in fact they were all great. And this got me thinking.
One virgin friend has just started his first relationship and now they’re having sex. He told me how happy he was that he’d waited for the right girl, and that he couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else.
Another friend is so beautiful she could pull anyone in a club, but says she would never do that as it would be meaningless.
I thought back to my first time, rushed, unemotional; with a guy I barely knew and barely talk to today. I realise now how wasteful that was. Yeah sure, I got it over and done with early enough to have some fun before coming to uni, but at what cost?
Unlike my newly de-virginated friend, I won’t be able to look back on my first time with pleasure. I’m jealous of him.
I know a lot of people look down on those who as of yet have not enjoyed the wonders of sex - I was one of them. However, virgins deserve respect. It’s not easy sticking to celibacy. I would certainly fail. I find it hard enough saying no to a one night stand when I haven’t had a shag in a few months. I sincerely hope that anyone who is waiting for the right person to lose their flower to finds that person soon, and is rewarded for their patience.
For indeed, the longer you wait to lose your virginity, the younger another child will have to be to maintain the Guardian’s statistic. A 40-year-old virgin must have an eight-year-old child to balance his figure out. Wait, that doesn’t work!
I'd like to take Tim's point one step further... Why do we feel the need to qualify our respect: why do we say "i respect virgins"? Does that not imply that virgins are not otherwise worthy of respect?
Tim, you know what I meant and you know me. My point was that I think that *choosing to stay a virgin* is a very difficult path to walk and a massive amount of respect is due; of course it doesn't mean that I don't respect people who are virgins because of situation or people who have had sex. My point is that I don't see how calling someone a virgin could be an insult when conscious virginity is a noble attitude to have.
Jason Rose bights more than a mosquito.
My first time was with my first (and current) boyfriend - I was 17 (bang on with the statistic!) It was an incredible experience, and I still remember it really fondly to this day.
I was lucky enough to meet someone worth losing my virginity to at 17, and I have the utmost respect for people who are waiting for the right person like I did - I can imagine it being much harder now than it was for me at 17, but the wait is definitely worth it.
www.tell-york.com
Bights?
Please spare a thought for the less attractive, disabled or just plain shy students, to whom continued virginity isn't a matter of a choice. Abstinence may be a right, but it's also a luxury.
However, in the sexually casual world of uni, it's good to know that I'm not alone. We should see more reassuring articles like this one.
I had friends at school who were desperate to lose their virginity before uni. I always thought that was daft (despite the fact I lost mine before uni but not through desperation not be a virgin as the concept never bothered me)
My best friend is a virgin and she says she wants to wait for the right man. I fully respect her for that.
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