As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
I realised that after having had experience of chasing the wrong guys, getting involved with the “cool” bad boys, swooning after schoolgirl crushes, and of course being tied down in the Long Term Relationship, I actually had some advice to give.
Coming to York as a young and naïve Fresher, I was fully ready for hot flings with new, intelligent guys; a whole new dating world was waiting to be discovered. However, pretty much as soon as I got there, I managed to get off with my STYC (scandalous, I know) and before I knew it we were in a serious relationship. We had a good run, but as we know: all good things must come to an end. However, these are the few pearls of wisdom I hope to impart on you eager new Freshers.
* Always keep time for your friends
This is the single most important rule. It may sound silly and obvious but when caught up in a heady romance, you’d be surprised how quickly it can go out the window. You meet a lot of new people in your first year, and housemates become like your second family. In the passionate throes of a new relationship, away from home it can be easy to depend on the one person you feel close to. It’s a cliché but it's true: boys come and go but friends are irreplaceable. Be careful not to isolate yourself from other people, and get too attached to that special someone. A healthy balance and some quality time with your friends is essential.
* Spend a healthy amount of time apart
Something I definitely didn’t do! Spending every waking moment together is a no no. You may laugh and think it will never happen to you, but when/if you fall hard enough for someone, you start to act irrationally – believe me. The novelty of living in each others’ pockets soon wears off. No matter how nice it is to have someone cook for you and dote on you, you need your space. Having some “you time” and balancing your relationship with hobbies and joining societies is well worth it. It means you won’t neglect other important things like friends, socials, drunken nights in, streaking in public places and other such extra curricular activities that come with being a Fresher. Which leads me nicely to my next point…
* Don’t give up your social life for a guy
In fact, don’t give up or sacrifice anything for a guy. This may be the cynic in me talking, but in the long run it’s just not worth it. If you find yourself opting for nights in with your other half regularly, instead of fancy dress in Ziggy's or are hearing the words “oh, you must have been at [insert OH's name here] when it happened” too often, you may need to reassess your priorities. Understandably, it’s important to make time for one another, just don’t let it take over your precious university experience.
* Don’t get tied down too quickly
Remember to take things slow. Enjoy the freedom of Freshers year, it won’t come again. It’s ok to be madly in love, but try to come back down to earth once in a while otherwise it's easy to get caught up in all the hype. University is a time for adventure and new experiences in many aspects – don’t let the excitement of a new flame dull everything else that comes with the student life.
And if this sounds all too familiar don’t worry, you live and you learn. After all, there’s always the option of doing a masters…
This article is depressingly heteronormative. My advice would be to remember that not everyone comes to university gagging for a 'hot' guy to whom they can attach themselves for a year or so. We're not exactly in the OC, are we.
to anonymous: i don't see the author having mentioned anywhere that her particular desire to "discover a whole new dating world" is one common to all freshers. she is only recounting her own experiences and giving cautionary advice to those who might be looking for the same things she is, and i, for one, appreciate her wisdom. xx
Heteronormative is a ridiculous word. Fact
Well good for you Anuradha. Woop.
To anuradha, wisdom? Do you not just mean condescending rubbish? A relationship is a personal choice between two individuals and debating it by using all of these generalisations and sterotypes is meaningless - just empty rhetoric. Why is there this assumption, particuarly with the yorker,that every student is having the same experiece and thus fits into this tight box (ziggys, drink, sex) that you create and perpetuate? If you want to spend every second with someone you love, so be it, if you want to spend every second with your friends - lovely. Why are you writing this stuff? It is embarassing.
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