As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
Many of my fellow second years have reached a point in their university careers where they feel the need to settle down. Whether off campus booty calls require too much effort now we live further apart, or a reduced clubbing schedule provides inadequate one-night stands is debatable. It is certain that people have now found a permanent bed buddy to keep them warm at night.
Somehow, out of nowhere, I find myself in a similar situation. I’m unofficially seeing a hottie. Don’t worry, it’s not Facebook official, things may (and probably will) change tomorrow. Nevertheless, being a part of the dating scene raises a whole list of issues. Some are clichéd and girlie: can I still sign off texts with three x’s? What if he sends texts to other girls with more x’s than to me?
I think we can safely say that the x count is not worthy of debate. Guys can’t count anyways. But what about holding hands with another man on a night out? Or grinding with other people? Again, we could say that if it doesn’t mean anything then it’s okay. But how can we prove that to the other half? How many guys get away with saying: “Oh she always grinds up on me, it doesn’t mean anything, she just enjoys bending down!”
The problem is that students are just so physical these days! Always hugging, thinking nothing of dancing up close and personal, piling into bed together. Admittedly it’s nice to be surrounded by so much love, but at the same time it’s increasingly difficult to ascertain people’s hidden intentions. It’s not unusual to have kissed/slept next to/have seen naked everyone you live with. How to gauge the normal friendly interaction from the deeper romantic liaison?
And here comes the big one… What if you wake up in bed with another man? Even if nothing happened and you just passed out, there’s something extremely intimate about lying next to a stranger. Beds have so many connotations associated with them, it’s hard not to read more into sharing one. In a way it’s a big frontier of friendship – the grown up experience of a girlie sleepover: do we know (and trust) each other well enough to sleep inches apart? Are we comfortable enough with one another to face tomorrow’s inevitable gossip? Will our other halves be okay with it?
Perhaps it’s necessary to test the waters once in a while, to remember what it feels like to be single and carefree. I for one can’t spend my evenings attempting to stay sober enough to make it back to my hottie’s house. If I get drunk and feel the need to pass out, I will, and preferably with a man not a girl. Especially if he’s hot.
The cheating line is drawn in a different place for everyone and there’s no definitive answer to any of these questions. At the end of the day it’s about trust. Cherish that if you have it ladies! If not, go back to the singles club, it's where I always seem to be...
I always find this interesting. In my head emotional cheating is a lot worse than physical cheating...after all, you can just get drunk and make a stupid physical mistake, but an emotional one...? Not as easy. If you find yourself having feelings for somebody else, does it even matter if you act upon it? Or are the feelings themselves just bad enough?
I've always assumed that if someone is capable of cheating when drunk, even if it's only physical, it's because the ability to cheat when sober is there. My bf and I are so loyal I can't imagine either of us cheating when drunk. I think that alcohol only lowers inhibitions; it doesn't make you a different person.
comment deleted by the author Think Mademoiselle might have hit an issue without offending too many people... Impressive. Tough question...
#2 is right - alcohol simply provides an excuse... Boundarie seem different for different people and that's precsiely what's so confusing.
I find holding hands to be something intimate and ROMANTIC, yet, some of my guy friends occasionally hold hands with me... Add to that the gay friend who likes to be sexually ambiguous and you get confused uni students at once brought up with Disney fantasies and unrealistic ideals of love and the harsh realities of York's pulling scene... Cant we just agree on ETIQUETTE, please?
Etiquette - don't touch unless you know they're ok with it! How does that sound... less confusing for everyone
Hmmm... Definitely an interesting issue. I always thought if I was in a relationship with someone, and they cheated, that'd have to be the end of it because I wouldn't be able to forgive them. But I know people who have gotten past issues like that, and in some cases become stronger.
But yes, etiquette is tricky too. I'm generally an affectionate person... should I be less affectionate with my friends if I get to change my Facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship"? Surely it's an issue of trust more than anything.
I definitely agree that it's all based on trust and boundaries: if you feel the need to pass out next to someone other than your partner, surely you should have some idea how your partner's going to feel about it? And their opinion on the matter is the one to worry about...
All my relationships have involved a boundaries conversation at some point, and nearly all these would allow for the passing out and holding hands scenarios - as long as the intentions are clear.
Crossing these boundaries, though not taken lightly, may not be a dealbreaker, as it very much depends on the context.
You must log in to submit a comment.
Report