As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
The general consensus was that the main problem with men’s bedroom etiquette is the expectation that the outcome will, without a doubt, be sex. Multiple people recounted tales of men who, upon reaching the bedroom, immediately pull out a condom and place it neatly on the bedside table where it seems to sit and wait, looming in the corner of your eye and watching for its moment to pounce…Fair enough there’s a point for making your intentions clear but what happened to a bit of teasing and a build up of expectation?
Chances are we’re fully aware what’s going to be the outcome of the evening but it’s just not as fun if someone’s waving latex in your face!
And who hasn’t cringed just a little bit when you enter your potential new partner’s bedroom and they put on a specially selected song list as a soundtrack to the evening! On the plus side though this can actually be a useful guide to what to expect; if Smack My Bitch Up come blaring out of the speakers you might want to back away pretty fast!
One final gripe - what happened to being slowly undressed by your partner, with everything getting a bit more exciting with every layer of clothing being removed? Despite expecting you to undress him, it seems you’re either expected to undress yourself or risk stretched underwear as rather than being removed it’s just pushed to one side (not such a problem if he wants to buy you a new set!)
Obviously women aren’t entirely blameless on the etiquette front, a few of my friends have scared men off by moving too fast – brandishing sex toys on your second night together probably isn’t incredibly reassuring - or expecting too much; no man is going to scatter rose petals on your bed and light scented candles every night of the week (or more than once a year to be honest!). Working out a fair balance and subtly letting your partner know what is acceptable and what’s not (don’t start recounting a feminist rant wielding the incriminating condom; throwing it in the bin would suffice) will get you past most hurdles, and don’t forget the key to any bedroom rules – keep a box of tissues by the bed (and throw them, with used condoms, in the bin and not strewn across the floor!).
I have discovered, against my initial hopes, that ‘bedroom etiquette’ is unfortunately not a silly feminist concept, but a serious thing to be mastered. Knowing what to do and when to do it can have a real positive effect on your sex life. Alternatively, breaking with etiquette can have dire consequences. Examples of things that are never really acceptable are: immediately removing all your clothing with no foreplay; waking your partner up when you want some action by repeatedly thrusting against their back until they can’t ignore you any longer, and the classic, farting in the bedroom. Getting your kit off quickly can be fun and acceptable, but only if you’re sure your partner wants the same thing. It seems to me that all etiquette is about is being able to read your partner’s mood. For example, although foreplay is great, and according to etiquette should not really be rushed, there are occasions when skipping it is ok. If you partner has ripped her/his clothes off and is about to straddle you, you don’t really need to worry about ‘taking it slow’! On the other hand, if you expect sex in return for gifts or a nice meal, you might be in trouble. Basically as long as you’re able to read your partner’s mood and know what they want, you shouldn’t go far wrong!
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