As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
Next time you’re in the midst of passion, take a moment to think about what you’ve just said – even if you don’t think dirty-talk is really for you, you may be surprised (and quite possibly amused or horrified.) to find that you’ve been the star of what seems to be your very own corny porn film.
Swearing, blaspheming, name-calling and loud and weird noises are common side-effects of passionate sex, and while I’m all for making a lot of noise, there are some things it’s never appropriate to say and some noises it’s just never appropriate to make….
The most common problem and the one most likely to cause strife is probably inadvertently calling out the name of an ex/sibling/pet/parent during sex. You may laugh, but there is a sad tale of a friend of mine who, in the throes if passion was called ‘mum’ by her then boyfriend (who unsurprisingly rapidly became an ex.)
I myself have been subjected to ‘ex-calling’ (his ex, not mine) – after a moment of what could only be called ultimate awkwardness he was out of the bed and the room in less than 30 seconds. Calling out the name of your current partner might be a great turn on if you get it right, but it can be a risky strategy – instead stay safe with the generic ‘baby’.
This leads me neatly on to my next sex talk faux-pas – baby talk. I have never met anyone who would jump at the chance to have ‘sexy-wexy’ or a ‘kissy-wissy’. Leave it out, enough said.
Then there is the emotional sex talk – declaring your love for someone when you aren’t in full control of your mental capabilities is not the best plan, especially not if it’s the first time you’ve had sex or you just got carried away and you don’t actually mean it! You might also want to steer clear of crying - having once had someone both crying and declaring their love to me in the midst of passion, I can safely say it definitely causes a rabbit in headlights moment.
With the minefield that is sexual politics, you may be wondering if it is really safe/appropriate to say anything at all during sex. Rest assured however that some sort of noise, even if only an indication that you are awake and alive, is generally preferable as sex in complete silence can be a little scary. Play safe with standard, non-specific moans as opposed to barn-yard noises or impressions of Gollum – your flatmates can only put up with hearing so much. And although you’re obviously out to have fun, hysterical laughter is a pretty good way to ruin the mood!
I’ll leave you with a few indignities that people have suffered during sex which I discovered whilst researching on the internet:
And the best of all…
You must log in to submit a comment.
