Sex in public: reckless or exciting?

Whilst eavesdropping on the chavtastic conversation behind me was incredibly entertaining, imagining Jake Gyllenhaal boarding the train and sitting next to me somehow took priority.

Now I won’t offend you with explicit details of my personal fantasies, but I will say that at no point did I imagine myself saying: "actually Jake, let’s not throw ourselves passionately against this empty carriage wall, or cram ourselves into this public toilet, let's wait until we get off (no pun intended) and then go back to my clean and pleasant house."

You may chuckle, but for some reason this perturbed me, and I was forced to wonder exactly why this was.

Typing ‘sex in public places’ into Google, I was presented with the following information: "Part of the excitement of thinking about or having public sex derives from the fear of being caught. Fear triggers a set of changes in the body called the 'fight-or-flight response'…These changes are quite similar to the biological reactions the body undergoes when sexually aroused."

Now this is all very well, but I don’t believe my fantastical desire to be taken by Mr Gyllenhaal with immediate effect was due entirely to my ‘fight or flight’ reflex! What happened to excitement? Need? Spontaneity? Setting a record?

Of course, everyone is different, but my personal experiences would indicate that it is in fact a combination of all these factors, with a touch of ‘rule breaking’ thrown in for good measure, that causes us to throw off the bed clothes and head outdoors!

A mere matter of days after arriving at York, one of my equally innocent new-found fresher friends announced their desire to ‘have sex in the Quiet Place’ at some point during their university career. Immediately we all found ourselves in agreement that this would indeed be an excellent thing to aim for, alongside that 2.1 of course! I later discovered that there’s even a Facebook group, confirming we were not alone in our thoughts.

Although not unique in harbouring this secret desire, I do realise that in many ways it’s a far from glamorous goal to achieve. Boggy at the best of times, the Quiet Place is as attractive to the birdlife at York as it is to the sexually adventurous student.

The chances of coming away from your passionate encounter covered in the tell tale sign of duck excrement are pretty high. Not to mention the fact that York is cold. Bloody freezing at times! So why oh why are we still persuaded to leave the safety and comfort of our bedrooms?

Why oh why are we still persuaded to leave the safety and comfort of our bedrooms?

For me, it all began in school. My boyfriend was a boarder, and my parents would only allow him to stay at the weekend. The problematic issue of five sexless days therefore remained constantly in front of us!

However, not one to let rules, or in fact social decency, get in the way of my sex life I began to see the advantages of broadening my sexual location horizons. In this case, my ‘public displays of affection’ stemmed more from a combination of pure carnal lust and sexual deprivation, than a desire to run the risk of being caught by the Head!

After what can only be described as a period of trial and error, I am pleased to be able to present you with the following discoveries:

• Despite its reputation the locker room presented far too much human traffic to allow a long enough time period.
• The Social Centre was too open plan, although the pool table was hugely attractive.
• The assembly hall piano was considerably noisier than ‘Pretty Woman’ would lead you to believe.
• The squash courts appeared to be occupied by another couple one step ahead of us in the public space adventure (actually my sister and her boyfriend, but catching family members in the act deserves a column of its own).

One possible location

And then… we found it! The Study Room!!! Directly above the headmaster’s office, this particular location remained relatively traffic free. There was of course the odd exchange student who had not received the memo that studying was ‘un-cool’, but they tended to retire to a corner and were easily ignored.

I soon discovered however that there was far more to this than I had first thought. A factor that I had not allowed for was the issue of clothing: tights proved a definitive no go area, and trousers were almost as dismal. A skirt was the only option, preferably long enough to cheekily wear without knickers as, upon discovery, one must be able to resume ‘normality’ as quickly as possible.

I found the tennis skirt achieved the desired results most successfully! Unfortunately, your man has little choice of attire but loose fitting trousers are the best option, with a shirt long enough to conceal an undone fly or any residual excitement.

As I mentioned before, school was merely the beginning of this little adventure! What began as a necessity, became an obsession. Once we discovered the thrill of sex in a public place, we literally could not stop! I suppose at this point my ‘fight or flight’ reflex had well and truly kicked in.

The bedroom became dull and methodical, even the various rooms around the house began to pale in comparison! We therefore continued to expand our horizons further… and further! In answer to your question ‘were we ever caught?’, I would have to answer in the affirmative.

Lying on the floor of what I believed to be an abandoned building site I was somewhat perturbed to hear the words ‘aye aye’ from somewhere above me. Looking up I realised that my boyfriend and I had unwittingly been providing an entirely uncensored show for a group of young lads who seemed to believe that all their Christmases had come at once. There was no need for any of them to spend their pocket money on FHM that week!

Another, more risky, option

It may be about fear and danger, it may be about limited locations or just the desire to drink during a game of ‘never have I ever’, but whatever the reason it is an undeniable fact that sex in public places is a popular fantasy.

As an advocate for the old PDA however I have to admit that being asked to leave and never return to the youth hostel my boyfriend and I were staying in was one step too far. Apparently being caught on CCTV somewhat scantily clad in an admittedly questionable position is not universally acceptable!

Therefore, until my face is removed from Youth Hostels Weekly’s ‘Most Wanted’, I will hand over the reigns to you my dear readers. Just don’t get caught!

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