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While there are plenty of the big dramas to watch this Christmas, here’s a few programmes that might have slipped under the radar this week (for better or worse)…
Misreading an apostrophe can have dangerous consequences; this programme wasn’t quite the Miranda-Hart-adopted-by-a-family-of-grizzlies sitcom that I was expecting. It was, in fact, an example of the “celebrity journey” genre, the kind that generally reminds me a) how boring celebrities can be in real life, especially when they climb mountains, and b) why I never did the Duke of Edinburgh Award (I can’t walk further than Morrisons without getting emotional and exhausted).
The gist is that Hart is somebody you wouldn’t normally see scaling a glacier and is, in Grylls’ own delicately selected words, “not the fittest girl in the world”. But she makes this programme watchable – as endearing as Grylls’ relentless chipperness is, his earnest descriptions of a “connection with the wild” have me instantly reaching for the cliché buzzer.
So Grylls takes Hart to the Swiss Alps to confront her fear of heights and her claustrophobia, something neatly crossed off as soon as he “puts her in the chopper” that takes them to their starting point. As they scale thirty foot – thirty foot! – ice sheets and camp out in the wilderness, you see what a great team they make, with Hart’s self-deprecating quips balancing out Grylls’ boundless energy. For this Supreme Scout Master must surely be the most patient man in the world – he calmly deals with Hart’s (perfectly reasonable) refusal to zip-wire across a gorge and remains irritatingly cheerful when she “accidentally” wakes him up in their tent so she can go to the loo in the dead of night.
The differences between the actress and her eponymous character become more evident as the adventure goes on – the innuendo and the sly looks at camera remain – but you’ll see parts of Hart’s personality that an ordinary televised interview won’t get at. Yes, it’s self-indulgent telly, but it’s a charming, funny piece that Miranda fans shouldn’t miss.
Bear Grylls continues his adventures on Sunday on Channel 4 with Jonathan Ross.
BBC One they must have known the audience would be too full of mince pies and turkey leftovers to actually roll off the sofa and switch channels when this aired. As soon as the opening scenes show Sir David Jason bursting a crisp packet in the face of a palace guard, I try to reach for the remote. Unfortunately, I can’t stretch far enough and seeing as Santa has rudely forgotten to give me the power of telekinesis for Christmas, I am stuck in front of The Royal Bodyguard.
The plot: Guy Hubble (David Jason) is employed by MI5 to protect the Queen during her visit… somewhere. Oho, but here’s the hilarious problem: he’s a terrible bodguard! We know this because in the next scene, some royal security people whine in a VERY SUBTLE WAY about how awful Hubble is. He flashes B&Q loyalty cards instead of I.D. cards, he mistakes suits of armour for assassins, he points guns at chambermaids: Johnny English and Inspector Clouseau would be looking a tad miffed if they weren’t too busy falling over suitcases themselves.
Despite some rather tame blunders and the efforts of Dana (Eleanor Matsuura) to extract state secrets from him, Hubble manages to eventually save the Queen from a sniper attack. Then it all ends, rather abruptly, leaving the viewer stunned at how something so bland could have been commissioned for six – six! – episodes. That’s if they’re not yet screaming “Why, David Jason, WHHHY?” Jason is a comedy legend, true enough, but slapstick just isn’t his strongpoint.
From the horrendously clunky dialogue, to the characters that are flatter than my local carol singers, there is nothing to laugh at here. Even trying to guess the sexy villain’s accent – which wobbles precariously around Eastern Europe before taking an extensive tour of the continent – won’t keep anyone entertained for long
I want to love this goofy show with Jason’s happy, national treaure-ish face, but I just can’t. There’s no warmth to it. Maybe the next episode is a work of epic comedy genius, but I won’t be tuning in to find out.
The Royal Bodyguard returns Monday, 9pm on BBC One.
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