And behind door number 22... a guide to some music of the more traditional kind
Catherine Munn and Jacob Martin list their Top 5 programmes to watch over the festive period.
And behind door number nine... some dazzling musical delights
The complete arts guide, for week 9
If December 2008 yielded anything in the world of journalism, it was certainly the ‘what’s-hot-for-2009’ list.
Be it our enthusiasm to put the year of that dastardly credit crunch behind us, our desire to enter the year Obama officially leads the ‘free world’ or just a vehicle allowing lazy hacks to be, well, lazy, it seems that 2009 has been predicted as big news for 2009. Bearing in mind the quagmire of upbeat ‘What’s Hot’ 2009 lists you have waded through, I provide you with my inventory of ‘What’s Not’ in Oh Nine;
LADY GAGA: Well, really now. What’s wrong with people? This is all ludicrously 2008. From the chunky heels to the Skins vibe in her video for ‘Let’s Dance’, Lady Gaga’s output smacks of industry ‘Brainstorming’; I can just imagine the meetings with words such as ‘edgy’, ‘beats’, and ‘sassy’ being chucked around, and the ‘product’ emerging Ray-Ban and American Apparel clad. Admittedly, the lyrics ‘we like boys in cars/ buy us drinks in bars’ in the unsurprisingly named ‘Boys Boys Boys’ is a brilliant couplet, but it is here that her merits start and end. Despite having acted as songwriter for Britney, this is one to miss. Her songs are vacant and tinny, and not in the good way. With post-breakdown Britney, Little Boots, the wonderful Santogold and the Pussy Cat Dolls all hanging about this year, I just don’t see why 2009 needs Lady Gaga.
BAROQUE 1620-1800 STYLE IN THE AGE OF MAGNIFICENCE: Once describing itself as ‘a fab café with a museum attached’, it is disheartening to see the V&A present yet another exhibition documenting fab clothes with a vague meaning attached. Following on swiftly from their current ‘Magnificence of the Tsars’, we are provided with another bejewelled embroidery-fest. A feast for the eyes if not the brain. Admittedly, the way an exhibition is captioned is crucial, so I may well be wide of the mark. It could prove to be a fascination documentary of the period, but the word ‘magnificent’ sets me on edge. It’s the word that the numbingly stupid Carrie Bradshaw might use to describe a dress or shoe. This is not to say that every exhibition should be intellectual as Noam Chomsky on a pompous day, but if historical costume could be something other than ‘fabulous’ it might be a little more interesting to examine.
ALEXANDRA BURKE: Now that Alex has been sold into Sony wholesale, it seems that there is no hope for her anymore. She who wept over Beyonce is destined to sing wedding and funeral songs that stupid people like for all eternity. Just as the skilled weaver Arachne was turned into a spider by Venus so that she could weave for the rest of time, Alex is compelled to sing with too many notes forever. Serves her right for having a good voice, seems to be the logic. Having massacred the unquestionably beautiful ‘Hallelujah’ and with many many great songs for her to destroy ahead, it seems that Ms Burke is going to be an unstoppable behemoth in 2009 and possibly for the rest of her natural life. Hurray!
LIFE OF RILEY: BBC budget cuts being what they are, it is no surprise that we’ve been served up another broad slice of broad comedy from a network under increasing financial pressure. Still, it’s no excuse really. This BBC One sitcom starring the genuinely wonderful Caroline Quentin promises to be another uninspiring dirge, jam-packed with beleaguered parents, back-chatty kids and a whole spectrum of different types of slapstick falls. What with the woefully awful After You’ve Gone still floating about and My Family in its fifty thousandth series, it seems that we deserve more than another lazy prime-time comedy. I think I remember Jasper Carrott doing almost exactly the same type of show revolving around the same theme of extended families. It was probably even given the exact same time slot. Move on, the BBC. If you can be bothered, it’s BBC One, Thursday, 8.00-8.30 pm.
SKINS: A stupidly easy target, and by putting it on this list I’ve certainly missed the point. Yeah, these kids are totally sticking it to the man, Fuck convention. And so on. Don’t get me wrong, I think Skins is a laugh riot. It’s shitness is endearing and their policy of recruiting 18-24s to write the bloody thing is cavalier in the extreme. Pushing this to one side, there’s something about the trailer for the new series that sticks in the throat. If you haven’t seen it, see it here:
I don’t quite understand it. Skins always seemed to be structured around the idea that the cast of teens were at the show’s nucleus, and their antics rebelling against the adult world was the peripheral theme. The ‘mental’ day-glo parties of the first and second series may have been a little lame, but at least they served a purpose and didn’t pretend to be all revolutionary and explodey like the new one. It’s like Che set in Kingston with a bunch of gawky idiots running amok.
The new series of Skins begins on the 22nd January on E4 at 10pm.
Alexandra Burke "is destined to sing wedding and funeral songs that stupid people like for all eternity"?
You snobby ponce!
It didn't help much that it was followed by a Classical reference either... Snob squared. My bad.
i watched the first episode of Life of Riley, and it was fantastic. cynics that claim some BBC top bod realised they had the rights to use a lightning seeds song as a theme tune, and then built the show from there, don't know what they're missing.
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