Roses 2009: Confessions of a non-sportswoman

Why sports are stupid

As for watching sports, it tires me.

There is an undeniable satisfaction about enjoying the sunny outdoors while watching attractive, muscular men run around in shorts. Indeed, this entails the same kind of voyeuristic pleasure as watching attractive, muscular men run around in little skirts in films like Troy or Lord of the Rings. However the testosterone overdose which drives men to social retardedness as they lapse into hooligan mode is frankly beyond me.

So the only thing left is television. Now, I love TV more than most things in life – and have watched more of it than I would really care to divulge (including reruns of Friends and The Little House on the Prairie) but sports on TV strikes me as particularly useless.

The testosterone overdose which drives men to social retardedness as they lapse into hooligan mode is frankly beyond me.

I understand the news aspect – waiting to find out how the XV de France, Real Madrid or Estonian Polo team have done in their latest matches seems legitimate... watching snooker, curling or darts appears less so. In fact, allow me to ask, once and for all: what is up with curling? How can sweeping the ice like there's no tomorrow possibly be considered an Olympic sport? Seriously.

A friend of mine first bonded with her ex-boyfriend over cricket and I was therefore subjected to the ultimate torture of pretending to enjoy (or worse understand) the intricacies of matches which go on for longer than Paradise Lost. It wasn't pretty.

Yet, when challenged by my brother to give televised sports a chance, I managed to overcome my prejudiced thoughts and gave Formula 1 a try. It wasn’t half bad. Contrary to say, Rugby or Football, F1 is not really a democratic sport, nor one that is interesting to watch in person as there would be little to see. But the Grand Prix season is now my favourite. Let's face it: there's just something sexy and glamorous about those races and the technicalities they involve, particularly regarding the technological innovations in store for motoring, including technology transfer.

Similarly the cycling tours such as the Tour de France are fairly boring when not on TV: spectators wait hours on end rooted to a particular spot for a group of cyclists to rush by. And that’s it. Waste of a day if you ask me. On TV however, you get to watch the cyclists take a fall in slow motion and bring all the others down like dominoes, which elicits a rather sadistic satisfaction. Forget films of epic proportions, the 2000 tour when Hamilton broke his clavicle on the first “étape” and still completed the tour was simply amazing. Plus there is the added shamelessly patriotic bonus of learning of France’s beautiful regions and the priceless sprint down the Champs-Elysée.

As a York student I feel vaguely “patriotic” and want to support York against its frenemy. As a firm sports-hater I am yet to be convinced.

So what about Roses, then?

As editor of a campus media outlet, I’m undoubtedly excited at the idea of live-blogging, twitter feeds and all the technical mumbo jumbo that makes Computer Science students wet with excitement. As a York student I feel vaguely “patriotic” and want to support York against its frenemy. As a firm sports-hater I am yet to be convinced.

And yet, I believe Roses has the power to surprise us: shame York doesn’t have a pool, I’d have loved to watch the canoe/polo combo I’ve heard so much about.

Check The Yorker throughout the weekend for live coverage of Roses 2009 – with pictures, interviews and more!

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