Ding Huang demonstrates the art of paper cutting
Laura Reynolds looks at the habits of exam-weary students
James Tompkinson discusses the benefits of using Facebook for revision
Laura Reynolds provides some tips to help you save
The Yorker’s Top Five Procrastination Ideas for the New Year
1. Cooking
You’ve seen her. Looking buxom and sexy, drooling over the creamy gorgeousness that is her new Sexual-Innuendo-with-Chocolate Dessert recipe that she’s simply been working on for aaages, dahling. Nigella Lawson. Who knew food could be so pornographic? Well, now that could be you. Make up new recipes! Who cares if you have no money to buy food? She did Marmite Pasta – maybe you’ll be the new inventor of the recipe that sweeps the nation: Peanut Butter Jelly Noodles! …Or maybe not.
2. Life… Extreme Level
Do everything in your normal day-to-day life as you normally would… but with new challenges. One day, do everything blindfold. The next, tie your arms up so you have to use your mouth to hold a pen, or bash your keyboard with your toes. The most extreme level is doing your essay… over burning lava. Maybe you’ll discover that you are more disposed to doing your academic work if there’s a possibility of severe maiming. Your tutors will thank us.
3. Create a society
Honestly, YUSU wants nothing more than another mostly pointless but vaguely entertaining society. Everyone knows that the only point of creating a society is to inflict ceaseless and sadistic control over its new members. Trap Freshers at the next Freshers Fair and make sure they know who their new leader is. For extra points, make it something conducive to your studies. ‘Society for the Acquisition of and Research into New Areas of Knowledge’. Then when your next essay is in, call a meeting and make all of those earnest and foolhardy members do your research for you. They feel like they’re on QI, you get your own little JSTOR minions. Wham bam thank you ma’am.
4. Get fit
This is what the New Year is for! Shedding all of that Christmas weight! Isn’t it? NO. You must REVEL in your new spherical shape, your newfound ability to roll to lectures rather than walking, and the fact that you now give more cuddly hugs. Use the fact that everyone else is trying to lose their Christmas weight (FOOLS) and make a Get Fit Club, of which you are the motivating trainer. It’ll make you feel better, shouting at people as they do sit ups and you surreptitiously steal Mars bar money from their bags. Repeat after me: pain is just weakness leaving the body; pain is gain; if you’re not fainting, you’re not running hard enough…
5. Household Jenga
This is a little family tradition of mine that I’m letting loose upon the world. You lucky, lucky people. We’ve always played it in restaurants, much to the horror of waiters and the screams of passers-by as they get burnt by toppling candles… But it’s such a versatile game, it can even be played at your desk! Balance as many random objects as you can on top of each other. If you’re playing with someone else, the trick is to throw a really difficult object in there so your opponent can’t balance anything on top of it, such as an upright knife, speared into a restaurant candle. Then knock it all over. And get asked to leave.
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