As we enter a new year, Laura Reynolds looks at how the dating game differs from previous generations.
Laura Reynolds looks at the freedoms of festive singledom
Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
Lauren Tabbron writes about the difficulties of spending Christmas away from a loved one.
The Guardian published a survey showing that the average male loses his virginity at 16, the average female at 17. So according to these statistics, for every virgin 20-year-old male, there must be a sexually active 12-year-old boy. What a scary thought.
Building on this statistic and personal experience, I naively assumed that only a very small group of people would come to university with an un-popped cherry. I figured people would have either been in a serious relationship before uni or had a really fun gap year. Not that either of these activities require sex; rather I had assumed they would.
However, there are a surprising number of virgins still out there with their early blooming child counterparts, which the Guardian must have questioned. Perhaps I had expected virgins to have the word plastered on their foreheads, for indeed I was certainly surprised about some individuals’ confessions. They didn’t exactly look like the Virgin Mary.
But this all sounds so judgemental. I was initially sceptical about why people would abstain from sex for so long - what was wrong with these people? My virgin friends weren’t ugly, they weren’t self-centred, in fact they were all great. And this got me thinking.
One virgin friend has just started his first relationship and now they’re having sex. He told me how happy he was that he’d waited for the right girl, and that he couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else.
Another friend is so beautiful she could pull anyone in a club, but says she would never do that as it would be meaningless.
I thought back to my first time, rushed, unemotional; with a guy I barely knew and barely talk to today. I realise now how wasteful that was. Yeah sure, I got it over and done with early enough to have some fun before coming to uni, but at what cost?
Unlike my newly de-virginated friend, I won’t be able to look back on my first time with pleasure. I’m jealous of him.
I know a lot of people look down on those who as of yet have not enjoyed the wonders of sex - I was one of them. However, virgins deserve respect. It’s not easy sticking to celibacy. I would certainly fail. I find it hard enough saying no to a one night stand when I haven’t had a shag in a few months. I sincerely hope that anyone who is waiting for the right person to lose their flower to finds that person soon, and is rewarded for their patience.
For indeed, the longer you wait to lose your virginity, the younger another child will have to be to maintain the Guardian’s statistic. A 40-year-old virgin must have an eight-year-old child to balance his figure out. Wait, that doesn’t work!
That isn't how statistics work! Unless the Guardian stated that the ages were normally distributed with a mean of 16, then you can't come to the conclusion that for every 20 year old losing their virginity there is also a 12 year old doing the same.
I guess it's how you view sex really..I've never seen it as more than a fun activity between two people; just one component of a relationship and as important to keep ticking over as everything else. Consequently, I'm glad I lost my virginity at 15; glad I've gained the experience to make the few really special women enjoy themselves more. If someone wants to wait then I respect their choice, but I certainly wouldn't envy them or think that somehow their decision is superior to my own. A friend of mine has similarly never had sex and, in my opinion, he hasn't developed emotionally because he's been too shy to form close relationships that might require him to have sex. Personally, I think that's really sad for a person to miss out on physical intimacy for so long.
Statistics aside, well done Mademoiselle on this blog. I enjoyed this more than any of your tales of Ziggys; thought-provoking stuff.
I've never found anything relevant to my personal experience in your articles, being a 20 yr old virgin myself. This one, however, shows more depth that your usual stuff. Congrats.
Very interesting collumn, Madmoiselle! IThis is definitely an issue that ought to be debated more often in a non-judgemental environment. In fact, it's good to know that you don't actually judge those individuals whom attach significance to sex or whom have decided to save themselves for "someone special" (however corny that may sound).
As a virgin I would say that Uni can be rather intimidating: during games of "Never Ever Have I Ever" one feels pressure to reveal one's sexual experience... or lack thereof! In fact, the very fact that I feel the need to hide my identity behind "anonymous" highlights the fact that there still very much *is* a stigma associated with the "V-badge".
Which is precisely why the WomCom's sex book will be a great venture - www.tell-york.com
Of course there is an aspect you haven't actually touched upon: the religious dimension of sex - and the fact that in the 21st century there are still people who choose to not have sex until marriage, a decision which I think ought to be respected rather than mocked, as I have often witnessed.
As a virgin, I can certainly identitfy with some of what you're saying here Mademoiselle.
Like #4, I'm going to hide behind the anonymous tag for this post as the v-badge does have a stigma. My mates at my previous unviersity found out that I still hadn't lost the big V and never stopped making fun of me for it until we left, which is probably one of the reasons why I didn't enjoy my time there.
I'm not completely sure how I feel about still being a virgin as well. I've certainly had opportunities, and looking back, there are some that I'm glad I didn't take, but then, there have also been ones that I've regretted in retrospect, as it could have been the start of something special if I'd allowed myself to take that next step and let things continue to progress.
I can certainly see #2's point about virgins possibly not having developed emotionally from not being intimate with a person sexually, and I can certainly relate to part of that being through shyness. Part of the reason is also outright fear as well though I think. When you're a virgin, there's a perception that everyone is having sex other than you. Hence, if you're coming late into the game, there's that fear that your lack of experience will show and you'll essentially get 'found out' so-to-speak.
Most importantly though, I think you have to lose it when you're ready to do so and when you've found that special someone. Personally, I've felt ready for a long time, but haven't made that step as I've not wanted my first time to be with someone I might regret (or know I definitely will regret!) in years to come, when opportunities have presented themselves since I came to York. As I said, it has to be at a time and with a person that you're comfortable with, and that hasn't happened for me yet.
I completely agree with #1. This is simply not how statistics work!
Well obviously that's not how statistics work and am pretty sure the author of this piece has some idea of basic maths. I think she's trying to make a witty point about means and standard deviation, hence the "oh wait that doesn't work" of the end sentence lol!
PS why are Jason and Dan not on this comment thread??
Jason and Dan could be #4 and #5 for all we know!! :-D
Well I'm #4 and I'm neither Dan nor Jason...!
To 8 - isn't this exactly the kind of mickey-taking in debate? Using numbers 4 and 5, who identify themselves as virgins, to imply an insult to Jason and Dan?
I thought the piece itself was excellent but chose not to comment as there had already been 4 comments and I had nothing new to add to them. I am not one of the above anonymous individuals and I am not a virgin. At the same time, I would like to point out to #10 that if it was to "imply an insult" for being a virgin then it was probably a bad attitude to take - I respect virgins (who have made a choice) more than I respect people who have had sex. Just a point.
Also, it seems like a good time to add my name to the list of people telling you to share your experiences at www.tell-york.com
I'm glad post 1 said it...
I'm a virgin through choice - hers.
first poster is definitely a virgin
Like Jason, I am not one of the above anonymous individuals and I am not a virgin.
For the record, I am not one of the above anonymous individuals and I am not a virgin.
for what record? there's nothing wrong with it.
Love how this thread is blatantly depicting the stigma attached to being a virgin. What the hell Oliver and Charlotte? Why so defensive? No-one called your sexual prowess into question in the first place!
Lol, I think #17 and #18 missed it a little. Just to help you out, Oli and Charlotte posted in the same minute 
Jason, #11 - 'I respect virgins (who have made a choice)'. So no respect for those who've not had the opportunity to choose...?
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