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Join Jason Rose for a peek behind today's door.
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I’m personally not a porn fan. I prefer sex in three dimensions. However, a large portion of us are porn watchers, as the popularity of RedTube demonstrates. With new videos uploaded daily and sub sections to suit all tastes, porn is accessible and popular among a large consumer bracket.
As a porn virgin, I was initially shocked by the graphic content of these sites (how naive, was I actually expecting it to be nice and respectable?). It seemed most videos focused on the women rather than the men, and most of those girls were doing some pretty disgusting things.
Despite my aversion to the porn industry, I began to understand why porn is so popular. I hate to admit it, but some of the scenes were insanely sexy. If I was more into the cyber pleasure world I assume I might be eaten up by porn websites and Facebook and end up as glued to my screen as a computer scientist.
I am not a converted online porn fan. The hottie I’m ‘seeing’, however, is a devoted worshipper, at least according to Google Chrome. How can girlfriends (or boyfriends) deal with their partner’s fondness or even addiction to online porn? Is it a sign that sex is not good enough? Do our partners crave a more kinky sex life? Do they compare our bodies to porn stars?
My initial reaction to discovering hottie’s porn was a surge of insecurity: was I that bad in bed? I quickly brushed this terrible thought aside. Mademoiselle is nothing if not a great shag (and writer?). I then purchased a black corset, fishnets and a whip to ascertain his partiality for role play. It turns out he’s not too adventurous in bed. Finally taking the adult route, I asked him why he was still watching porn when he could have me whenever he wanted.
Turns out that for him in any case, porn was just something he perused when bored. He certainly has an abnormally high sex drive. I wasn’t sure where I was going to fit into that equation. How could I sleep with a guy who enjoyed watching girls do such disgusting sexual acts? His addiction funds an abusive, illicit industry which I fundamentally disagree with. How can someone so polite and caring like my hottie tolerate such graphic content?
Eventually I found a way to deal with the problem. We set up a camera in the bedroom. Compromise. He can still watch people having sex whenever he wants, but it will be my naked body he’s staring at, not some random girl online. I now know that in his eyes it’s not about who is having sex or how they’re doing it, it’s just about the sex and I’m okay with that. Obviously I’m not suggesting all partners competing with porn make a sex tape. Indeed it’s a massive revelation risk, much worse than when Facebook photos 'get out'.
Obviously it's not the easiest thing to see your body on camera. However, your partner must love your body so you should too.
Additionally, there is something a lot less dubious about watching yourself having sex. At least you know you’re doing it for the passion not the money.
I think someone needs to discover Chrome's "Incognito Mode"
It's funny - I'm a girl and I've been a quite into internet porn for about 4 years. I agree with you that when I first watched it, the pure graphic content was a bit uncomfortable to watch, and to this day I still prefer watching foreplay and generally shots of nice writhing bodies rather than close-ups of people's private bits (they're just not sexy like that). All I would say to anyone who has a partner who's into porn, don't be insecure about it - if you're up for it, watch it together as foreplay. But honestly, the real thing is always better. Porn's just a nice diversion from everyday life and a good stressbuster (but watch out - it can be addictive!)
Chris, that was such a geekily funny comment.
Mademoiselle, I fail to see how such a self-confessed slagbag would risk filming themselves, surely it is only a matter of time before it hits the web thanks to a disgruntled lover?
I love porn. I don't know what I would do without it.
RedTube? Who watches RedTube? What happened to Youporn?
The porn industry is one that exploits women. As with many of Mademoiselle's subject matters, it is not one that should be taken lightly, even if it is here.
The claim that taking the adult route is to ask why have porn when you can have me is a little lacking. The question should really be "Darling, why do you insist on partaking in an industry which eroticises the humiliation of women and the domination of men over women... when you could fuck me any time?"
I take offence to the objectification of women. Women should not be reduced to mere sex objects, available at the click of a button. Partners should not feel they need to step into the shoes of a porn star in order to maintain a healthy relationship. To me the reason for this should not be based on "What if it gets out?!" but on the issues I have already raised.
"Women should not be reduced to mere sex objects, available at the click of a button"
if porn was made illegal, the number of sexual assaults would triple within weeks. the sad truth amy is that not everyone can find a partner as easily as a 20something year old woman.
7. That's one of the most ridiculous comments I have ever read in my life.
I for one know plenty of guys who watch porn (rightly or wrongly). If I thought that the only thing stopping them assaulting women was porn, then I'd be seriously dropping them off my christmas card list.
I think there is most likely a different causal link going on here. Take child pornography for example -- viewers of this material aren't necessarily going to refrain from physically abusing a child because they have porn as their outlet. More often than not, viewers of this are also likely to be guilty themselves of abusing children physically (certainly the case in paedophile rings where abusers are usually found to have a wealth of material on their computers).
I know plenty of guys who watch porn, and I don't think it's as black and white to label them all misogynists; porn attracts them for a panoply of reasons. But for those who watch it because they like to see a woman being sexually degraded, I can't imagine that they're going to treat a woman in real life respectfully anyway, porn or no porn.
"I for one know plenty of guys who watch porn (rightly or wrongly). If I thought that the only thing stopping them assaulting women was porn, then I'd be seriously dropping them off my christmas card list."
I'm afraid that it is your comment that is ridiculous. The fact that your friends (or most people for that matter) are not at all likely to assault anyone does not mean that there aren't many others out there for whom porn is the only possible outlet. If you remove that outlet, they will most likely try to find a new one, which can in many cases have some pretty dire consequences. I don't see how you can disagree with that, it really is common sense.
I agree with the rest of your comment though, people who are aroused by sexual degradation are obviously not going to be very nice to be with. Not all porn is like that though.
Not all porn is misogynistic. How can you judge someone for watching porn when you don't know what their tastes are? Some might prefer softcore, or have a particular fetish. They don't automatically degrade women. It's like saying you'd automatically hate someone who likes pop music because some pop music is offensive. It can be offensive, but not all of it is.
Besides, porn is a fantasy world. Porn viewers realise, or will realise pretty quickly, that the porn world isn't what reality is like - it's like any TV show or movie.
I think that we should look at how porn is made, and not just at how it reflects on women in general. Even if not all people who watch porn are misogynistic, many of the women in the films (especially low budget ones)may be exploited directly. Generally, men are in control of the filming and the events being filmed, and the women may be vulnerable, dependent on the men, exploited because of drug addiction, need for money for any other reason etc. I would never suggest that all women in porn are exploited, as I think that that takes a woman's sexuality away from her, which is a common criticism of porn itself. However, it is important to think about the women actually being filmed, as well as women in general. If you wouldn't use a prostitute for moral reasons, I think that watching porn is morally questionable too.
I've seen alot of porn in my time, being male... you do tend to view it on a regular basis. And you girls don't seem to have an idea of how most mainstream porn is made... Women are definitely not exploited; many women actively go into the porn industry because they enjoy sex. It's not too hard to understand - nymphomania. Sexuality has nothing to do with it and neither does prostitution. It's their body, and in the main it's their choice. Please can this not head into another feminist rant by women who feel as though everything is related to subjugation or sexuality. It's stupid.
Not only is it stupid, it is also disempowering. People shouldn't have to listen to a middle-class intellectual 'elite' telling them what they can and can not do with their lives. There are obviously women (and men) out there who only go into porn for the money, but a) that's certainly not all of them b) it's still their choice. And if it is social circumstances that led some people to do this, then surely we should be talking about improving those circumstances and stop pontificating on issues of morality.
I agree with number 12; the porn industry isn't as seedy as some people like to make it out to be, especially if you're watching something from a company as famous as Vivid, Club Jenna or Playboy TV. Although, as a woman, I don't appreciate 12's slightly patronising tone...just because one woman goes on an overreacting feminist rant, doesn't mean all 'us girls' are like that. A lot of women watch just as much porn as men, but for some stupid reason they're more afraid to admit it.
I think that 11 has made a valid point... Also, at #12, who has started a feminist rant? From what I can see, only one person has suggested that porn exploits women, and #11 suggested that low budget porn exploits the women in the movies. From what I've seen, that's not hard to believe. That isn't saying that ALL women in ALL porn are exploited at all.
Who, exactly, has gone on an "overreacting feminist rant"? Isn't that a bit of "overreaction", #14? It's quite annoying when people react in such a way to someone's opinion (such as #12). What happened to intelligient discussion, or are we going to dismiss someone's opinion purely because it's "feminist"?
My views on porn are perfectly described by my friend below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rai9SiBRv50
Thank you.
#14 If you read carefully I was not suggesting that all women do so. Women can be used in the singular and plural... Some women who do comment on Mademoiselle's articles breath fire at the sight of something that could be misinterpreted as an attack on feminist values. I don't feel this is fair. As people have already said, porn is enjoyed by both men and women. This article is not about exploitation, this is about a woman feeling 'left out' when her man watches porn. I would sway toward the belief that 'insecurity' and the 'need for attention' are the key points. Again, we have been diverted by (women) who wish to rant... Pure generalisation does not give strong evidence for an arguement, especially when that arguement is irrelevent to the article.
#18, who is ranting??? or are your debating capabilities so inept that you have to resort to dismissing the opposing view without attempting to challenge them adequately? Also, I guess you meant "If you read carefully"...
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