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Two thoughts crossed my mind when I agreed to review The One Show. Firstly, the overwhelming feeling of joy of knowing I was going to tear the middle of the road, sitting by the fire, slipper wearing, fence sitting, controversy ducking, swift tone changing, celebrity back slapping show a new arse hole. Then I realised I'd actually have to watch it.
Gone are the days of smiley Frank Lampard fancier, Christine Bleakely, and everyone’s favourite West Brom supporting gargoyle, Adrian Chiles. Instead, in come two mannequins with painted smiles, calling themselves Alex Jones (with a voice like someone running sandpaper over gravel) and the increasingly unfunny, state-the-obvious ‘comedian’ Jason Manford. So, a like-for-like swap of the beautiful women and half ugly male droid, then. Four and a half million mothers tuned in to learn how to make beetroot, say 'oh how sad' to the latest world disaster and giggle like school girls over Gyles Brandreth, who has an amazing ability to talk endlessly about all those things you just never cared enough about to look up. Oh, and not forgetting that frightening gardening women who resembles a cross between Alan Titchmarsh and the blob from the movie The Blob.
Specifically, the episode I watched on Tuesday night featured: someone starring in a musical I’d never heard of; John Sergeant talking about the unheard of victims of World War Two (that’s right, folks - cats and dogs); what a pointless little article I thought, until that was topped by a piece by Graeme Le Saux (former Chelsea left back who no one’s heard from in about ten years) giving his nostalgic view of music. This included his thoughts on how strange it was that he used to record on cassettes, except I used to do that too so it isn’t all that crazy. Yeah, Graeme, thanks for keeping in touch! I didn't see their other two top-notch reporters Phil Tufnell (usually seen at a jam festival in Woking) or that bald man who gives retail advice to scam victims/idiots.
Overall, despite the new presenters, The One Show is still the same old crud fest: nonsense articles avoiding the real issues for middle class mothers who have no opinions and don’t want to offend anyone.
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