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If you managed to sit through all 5 plus hours of X Factor coverage this weekend, I commend you. The mammoth broadcast was the longest in X Factor history, and now I’m faced with the challenge of recapping a whopping 16 acts...although some would benefit more from short term memory loss.
Falling into this category were eliminated group F.Y.D, whose smooth stylings from their judge’s house performance disappeared with their vocally unsteady ‘Billionaire’ (why, oh why, pick a song sung the week before?) and the wild abundance of dancers invading the stage. Slightly luckier in terms of votes but equally troubled were two other groups. Belle Amie stepped into typical issues of wonky harmonies and not gelling on stage, topped off with a cheap gypsy wardrobe. Still, they broke the girl group curse which makes things all the more unpredictable – and they deserve another chance to return to last week’s form. As for “pop sensations” One Direction, a career as chanting football hooligans may be more apt. I’ll give them credit though – they did prove they can ‘aah’ as well as ‘ooh’. That’s some versatility, right there.
The other booted act of the evening, Nicolo, suffered from two frequent mistakes of this year’s crop of finalists – an unlikeable personality and substituting poor vocals with an energetic song, a fatal combination for an audience-voting competition. Katie Waissel ticked both of those boxes too, inexplicably choosing ‘We Are The Champions’, a song she already proved unable to conquer at her audition (anyone else get flashbacks to Phoebe singing it on Friends?), and a bizarre spaceman outfit that provided one of the night’s several ‘WTF?!’ moments. Her sing-off song ‘Don’t Let Me Down’, on the other hand, proved she had some chops, although something tells me the press has chewed her into oblivion.
Two more victims of song choice were the delightful Matt who, though being praised, strained his way through a David Guetta track that didn’t feel authentically like music he’d make; and John, who was given a syrupy Mariah Carey/Boys II Men track that was forgettable enough to evoke substantial shock in me for not touching the bottom three.
Cher’s future is being called into question for different reasons...though picking an unexpected ‘80s R&B track and displaying excellent stage presence, she exposed her poor singing (i.e. not rapping) voice, and following tabloid reports of her bullying days as well as ‘HATE CHER LLOYD’ trending worldwide on Twitter, her star is rapidly fading.
The biggest surprise of the results was that all four wildcard acts managed to avoid the bottom of the ranks, a worrying indication of how well plugged in the judges actually are to the public’s preferences. The breakouts of this lifeline were Diva Fever, who delivered an infectiously camp Eurovision-esque number (they can sing! Who knew?) and possibly Treyc who garnered some of the best feedback of the night, although it worries me that no one is pointing out her shrill tendencies. In the lower echelons were Paije, singing better than expected but still underwhelming, and Wagner, whose novelty presence feels stale and reminiscent of a 6 year old awful American Idol audition.
The stand-outs of the night? Aiden’s emotionally intense, vocally spot-on ‘Mad World’ and Mary’s commanding soulful side that put the studio audience in the palm of her hand. Rebecca also managed to play up the ‘throwback’ element of her voice, bringing a sexy huskiness to a disco classic. A pleasant surprise sparked out of Storm’s rock’n’roll undertaking, the perfect niche for him, but I just couldn’t get past the S&M gimp dancers, or the ridiculous eye make-up...maybe someone should tell him not to let his niece loose on him with facepaint.
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