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For those of you have somehow missed out on the news (and the impressively airbrushed publicity shots): Britain’s Got Talent is back! And while it’s not changed as much as ITV would have you believe, Saturday’s opening audition show definitely felt as fresh as it ever has done.
Of course, the changes that everyone is talking about are the changes to the judging panel. Simon Cowell is absent until the live shows, and Piers Morgan is too busy in America and wiping up people’s tears on Life Stories. In Simon’s place, we have David Hasslehoff who, as you would expect, is bursting with charisma, energy and enthusiasm, with his often bizarre comments providing pure, glorious cheese.
But the true great addition to the panel is Michael McIntyre, who takes Piers’ seat. Let’s be honest, it’s like swapping a plate of caterpillar-infested broccoli, for a great bowlful of jam roly poly swimming in thick, gloopy custard. Yes, McIntyre is a love him or hate him kind of guy, but even his harshest of critics must have been won over by his hilarious performance. From his spot-on mocking of Simon in the episode’s first audition, to the brilliantly edited sequence of auditions where he refused to use his buzzer, he was utterly charming, and he already seems entirely relaxed in his role. His comments (and teeth) were also much more natural than we’ve come to expect. Indeed, it’s difficult to recall Simon ever saying something that didn’t involve some form of cliché and, while it was fun while it lasted, the ‘Guess How Many Times Simon Will Say “Genuinely” Game’ was wearing a little thin.
The ‘wearing thin’ label could also be attached to the last series as a whole, with forgettable contestants (I’ve yet to talk to anyone about this new series that hasn’t said ‘who won last year?’), and the format was feeling decidedly repetitive, especially the auditions shows. This year feels different, however, and while the standard of the ‘good’ contestants doesn’t look very high as yet (there was a mildly impressive singer/ guitarist and another good dog act), the standard of the ‘bad’ ones was as laughably low as you could want.
Memorable highlights for all the wrong reasons were Antonio Popeye, a man who… well, if you didn’t watch it, I’m sure you can work it out; Steven Hall, a 53 year old telecommunications engineer who did dance moves that you wouldn’t expect a 53 year old telecommunications engineer to be doing; and, my personal favourite, Blaire Christie. His top half painted in blue, with the middle of his chest white, his talent was kept a mystery from us and, in a wonderful sequence of self-parody for the show, he talked about how he discovered his talent young and was glad that he had kept doing it, only for him to get on the stage, balance a balloon on his nose a bit and say ‘I’m a dolphin’. Genius.
Therefore, Britain’s Got Talent has returned with style, with a fresher feel and a more interesting panel of judges, and there wasn’t a sob story in sight. The only thing that was wrong was that there wasn’t any talent either.
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