New series: Camelot

Did you find Disney’s Sword in the Stone disappointingly short of medieval sex scenes? Was Merlin not oozing enough blood and gore for you? Look no further, then, for Saturday nights on Channel Four bring us Camelot, another interpretation of the good old Arthurian legend. This glammed-up version was concocted by Chris Chibnall (a bit of a legend himself, after writing Torchwood), so it’s fair to expect what is essentially King Arthur ‘for adults.’ But with a gazillion other adaptations already out there, Camelot will need something special to make it worthwhile.

One thing at least can be said about this show: it doesn’t mess about. Within the first four minutes, King Uther (Sebastian Koch) was dead, after having his drink spiked by his moody daughter, Morgan (Eva Green). What a shame they didn’t have Spikeys in the Middle Ages. Nevertheless, we’re straight into the action, following Merlin as he dashes off to find the heir to the throne. Merlin is an interesting one; forget long beard and swishy cloak (although Morgan’s got a pretty nifty one of those), this guy (played by Joseph Fiennes) looks so bad-ass, he should be taking down Morgan and her cronies in a blaze of bullets in the Camelot carpark. I quite like him though, as Fiennes brings a sense of solitude and serenity to the role, whilst hinting that we’ve barely seen what he’s capable of. I had misgivings when he tells Arthur to “believe in [himself]”, but he’s so cool, he just about gets away with it.

Arthur (Jamie Campbell Bower), on the other hand, is actually fairly annoying. He’d much rather spend his time chasing after girls, it seems, than run a country. He’s not impressed by Camelot and his inherited kingdom either: “There has to be more than this, right?” he pouts, like a stroppy brat. By the end of the episode, he’s changed his mind and is determined to avenge his family and lead his followers against Morgan. Typical teenager.

It’s not too long before we see the ‘adult’ content, either. Chibnall takes advantage of his ridiculously beautiful cast by regularly throwing them into explicit sex scenes that leave very little to the imagination. The fight scenes I found more humorous, as the characters speared each other with rusty swords and pointy sticks like medieval kebabs. Camelot doesn’t stick directly the legend, but some classic scenes are reinvented, with a lot more oomph. ‘The sword in the stone’ becomes ‘the sword wedged at the top of the colossal waterfall,’ and Guinevere (Tamsin Egerton) makes her first appearance by strutting out of the sea like a Bond Girl.

There is no denying that this is a smooth and sleek production, and the remote Irish scenery is an excellent backdrop for the dark and gloomy story. Sometimes, though, this sleekness doesn’t work in its favour. The plot is very well paced, but it’s a joyless affair. Morgan never smiles, and it’s no wonder why, after being beaten about and tied up on different occasions. “The games of men exhaust me,” she huffs. Too right. After an hour of watching, I’m feeling emotionally exhausted myself.

Camelot is everything you would expect it to be: pretty, punchy and political. We know what happens at the end of the legend, but Chibnall’s new take on events should keep the show fresh and interesting as Arthur continues to fight for his birthright. Just someone tell Morgan to cheer up. It might never happen?

Camelot continues on Saturday at 9pm on Channel Four.

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