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You may have noticed the following trail on ITV recently, set in a medieval monastery: somewhere, presumably in the uppermost room in the tallest tower, sits a man, gagged with that well-known medieval adhesive, gaffer tape. As the big chief monk approaches, the man makes a move to break his vow of silence… alas! The monk holds up a backboard: “Not yet Jonathan, not yet!” Good heavens, you think, what kind of explosive and dangerous power are these crazy monks restraining here? What kind of destructive, malevolent force is going to be “unleashed on the third of September” as the trailer proclaims?
Erm, The Jonathan Ross Show, it turns out. It was only a matter of time before ITV got their shiny yellow mitts on him and gave his show a reboot, apparently without the nervous censoring of the BBC. I do not love Jonathan Ross, but I don’t consider him as outrageous, offensive or obscene as this promo suggests, and in fact, I think he’s perfectly decent at what he does. But ‘decent’ gets boring, and in order for this new show to be worthwhile, it needed some changes from the original.
The first obvious alteration is the theme music – it’s been Ronson-ified! You can tell this because it’s VERY LOUD and VERY JAZZY (also, Ross mentions that it’s been specially composed by Mark Ronson). Uh oh. Pimping a pre-existing format with a profusion of brass instruments does not necessarily improve it. Nor does it compensate for the lack of Ross’ fabulous house band, Four Poofs and a Piano.
The studio itself is also important: a good chat show should feel like it’s happening in your living room. ‘Cosy’, is how I would have described the BBC’s previous studio setup. And ‘purple’. But purpleness sadly has no place in ITV land; the chrome and gold colour scheme is cold, Ross’ blackened beast of a desk is intimidating, and the shiny London backdrop makes him look like he’s presenting news bulletins on London Tonight.
The calibre of guestage, however, was certainly not a problem, with the programme being ever so careful to choose celebrities that would appeal to a wide audience i.e. for the blokes, there’s F1 competitor Lewis Hamilton, and for us ladies, there’s Sarah Jessica Parker, of Sex & The City fame. Even if you have no interest in these two, Ross keeps it entertaining; he presents SJP with a plate of English delicacies and asks her to name them. “It’s a Scottish egg!” she screams with delight, having finally recalled, with much effort, the official term for the classic picnic snack. There’s nothing especially risqué in Ross’ questioning, but he could do with getting his facts right: “You’ve had twins – two boys!” he says to SJP. “Girls!” she corrects him.
Ross is able to make his guests feel at ease on a show that only varies slightly from the original. However, the chat show formula is constantly changing, and with the likes of Graham Norton and Alan Carr presenting tough competition on other channels, clinging to the old format and making tame jokes about bacon-flavoured jam isn’t daring enough.
If anything, Ross was outshone by his final guest, Adele, a woman who surely deserves Most Terrific Cackle of the Year Award. Seriously. This girl has a laugh so magnificent that it needs to be bottled up and “unleashed” at the most inappropriate moments, like at a funeral, or on the quiet carriage of a trains. This would be more outrageous and more entertaining than Brother Ross is ever likely to be.
The Jonathan Ross Show will next air on Saturday, 9.45pm on ITV1, with guests Alan Carr and Sherlock Holmes himself, Benedict Cumberbatch.
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