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Oh, student debt – my lovely, lovely student debt, how I was reminded of you whilst watching The Queen’s Palaces this week. The magnificent Buckingham Palace was the focus of the first episode, in a series presumably made for those still riding the (royal) wave of euphoria left over from Kate and Wills' wedding. I am not part of this audience, yet I was lured in by a trailer that promised not only “a private view of the Queen’s Palaces,” but also Fiona Bruce exclaiming “What a corker!” in such a manner that I couldn’t stop giggling for a good few minutes. And I’m moving into a new house soon, so I could do with a few decorating tips...
However, The Queen’s Palaces was as much a history programme as it was a chance to drool over some truly magnificent chandeliers. It first documented the origins of the palace, from the site’s initial function as Henry VIII’s hunting grounds, to George IV’s stupendously expensive refurbishments (by this time, I could hear my bank balance weeping). Most interestingly, James I even tried to start up a silk manufacturing business on the site, but had a bit of a d’oh! moment when he planted the wrong type of mulberry tree. We’ve all done it.
We were also treated to a peek at some of the stunning portraits in the palace, whilst Fiona Bruce was treated to a trip in a Venetian gondola to explain where many of the paintings originated. Unfortunately, you felt that the episode was only just beginning to uncover some of the vast quantities of artistic treasures; I could have happily sat through an hour’s worth of information on the paintings alone.
When the programme promised to show rooms of the palace normally hidden from the public, however, perhaps I set my hopes too high. Yes, we saw Queen Victoria’s ballroom – at one point, the “largest room in all of Britain” – along with a room filled with George IV’s excessive oriental purchases, but what do the more functional rooms look like? Are the bathrooms made of gold? Are there little crown symbols on the toilet doors instead of the conventional men/women signs? And how big are the kitchens? Do the Royals leave snide sticky notes to each other on the fridge? Once again, The Queen’s Palaces only scraped the surface.
Unsurprisingly, the Queen of Sophistication, Fiona Bruce, is the biggest star of this show as both writer and presenter. You won’t find a more enthusiastic host anywhere: Bruce clearly loves the palace, prowling through carpeted corridors with a hungry gleam in her eyes as she devours the intricate architecture and attacks the artwork with her infinite arsenal of adjectives: “[George III] is in exquisite gold silks and sumptuous ermine robes,” she purrs, before stroking the buttock of a marble statue and crooning, “it looks wonderfully soft and fleshy.”
This was also a chance to showcase Bruce’s ability to appear fabulous in any situation: look at how she trots up the winding staircase in her Middleton-esque attire! Marvel as she rides a horse! Look, here she is, walking through a sewer! How does she make a sewer look sexy? How?
All in all, the BBC have produced an enjoyable and interesting programme here. I was inevitably torn between admiring the beauty of some of the palace’s treasures and being totally baffled by the outdated, superfluous expense of it all, but if anything, I can console myself with the thought that those chandeliers would be too tacky for our sitting room anyway.
The Queen's Palaces continues on Monday 9pm, BBC One, when Fiona Bruce will be looking fabulous in Windsor Castle.
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