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“It always happens. When you give these little people power it goes to their heads like strong drink.”
Ahh, it’s the showdown we’ve all been waiting for without even knowing it, as the Dowager Countess finally met her nemesis in the form of The Telephone: “THE MINISTER! YES. YES! HELLO? HELLO? YES, IT’S AUNT VIOLET!” she bellowed, holding the device as though it were one of those dead animals Mrs Bates has taken to wearing around her neck recently. Bring on the twenty-first century because I can’t wait for Cousin Violet to encounter The Automated Voice Recognition Machine…
But that’s the end of any fun on Downton. Gone. Finished. Stop smiling, you. It’s four years into the First World War, and Matthew Crawley and William finally strike tragedy at the Front. Lady Mary and Daisy were the first to know, feeling a spooky presence back at home that caused them to drop cups of tea and stare mournfully into the distance – to be honest, wholly unnecessary scenes that completely removed the impact of the event. But every cloud – if Mary never manages to bag herself a rich man, there’s still money for her as a psychic.
No such luck for Matthew, whose spinal injuries caused him more embarrassment than pain as he ran out of euphemisms to describe his condition. “I can never properly marry you,” he hinted heavily to his fiancée. “Eh?” the poor, innocent Lavinia replied blankly. And Mary still doesn’t have the heart to snatch Matthew back. It’s so very annoying when everyone’s so nice. Full credit to Dan Stevens though, who spent most of the episode lying down, yet radiated tortured humiliation from his character in every scene.
And deprived of an occasion to host a dinner party this week, the Downton cast instead gathered together for William and Daisy’s wedding, giving Carson an excellent excuse to whip out his “manly and dignified restraint of emotion” face once again. It was a touching moment, but it’s difficult not to think that it’s one Downton couple down, several more to go: the will-they-won’t-they,-no-they-definitely-will tension between Lady Sybil and Branson is beginning to grow so tired that Sybil can’t even be bothered to snipe properly, and the dialogue between (the still lovely) Bates and Anna becomes more stilted with every episode.
Speaking of the ex-valet, I still can’t work out why he married Mrs Bates in the first place. Did he not spot the flashing neon “EVIL WITCH” sign hovering above her head when they first met? Did he not notice how she seems to channel the spirit of Cruella DeVil? Gawd, she was probably skinning puppies as he proposed. Yes, her blackmailing plans may have been thwarted by Sir Richard (and his desire to get one over on his fiancée, Mary), but she’ll be back… again.
Unsurprisingly, there’s now a surplus of characters this week. Take the Earl, for instance: he mooches around the Abbey, reading newspapers, completing jigsaw puzzles, even relegating himself to employing staff. Likewise, Thomas and O’Brien have been downgraded to simply grumbling in the background, while Lady Edith’s exciting new job is to smile vaguely and carry tea trays around, and then be congratulated on doing so.
I appreciate the crippling depression that the war brings to those involved – and no drama demonstrates depression more than Downton – but surely there should be more drama, not less? I can only hope that the next episode injects some more of the old cheeriness, but at the moment, it looks like the Dowager Countess will have mastered the art of predictive texting by the time that happens.
There's a shock in store for the Earl this Sunday, as an unexpected visitor makes an appearance at Downton. Tune in again at 9pm on ITV1.
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