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Shock! Shock! Shock! Just in case you didn’t realise, last night’s result was the most shocking thing to happen in X Factor ever, following the most dramatic week of events ever, in which the judging panel underwent its most severe change ever, as Kelly apparently went missing! Things were so desperate this weekend that even duller-than-ditch-water Dermot had a slightly different introduction. Well I’m going to readdress the balance: our Halloween X Factor look-back starts right here!
This week’s evictee was, in case you somehow hadn’t heard, Sophie. But was it really as shocking a departure as they made out? Sure, it’s disappointing that she lost out, as she did have more to give, but she’s always been on the cards for an early exit. And at least we won’t have to listen to her moaning that no one knows who she is forever more.
In much more shocking news, Misha found herself in the bottom, despite being the best and most consistent singer of the competition. But maybe that’s the problem. Do the public think they don’t need to vote for her because someone else will? Or is it that it’s boring that she’s always so good? Or maybe it was just too off-putting that she came dressed as Grace Jones from Bond classic A View to a Kill? Well it was Halloween night after all…
…Not that the theme was particularly embraced by many, with some just relying on a projection of a cobweb in the background. And why why why why why does someone have to sing ‘Thriller’ every year? There’s nothing anyone can do with it! It was certainly The Risk’s weakest performance so far, though it was solely down to the song and not the fact that one of them has been replaced by the good one from Nu Vibe.
The other remaining group, Little Mix, certainly outpaced their male rivals with a super production of Katy Perry’s ‘Supernatural’ (it was inevitable really, wasn’t it?). And I am glad they explained the name change clearly to us. If not for Tulisa practically screaming: “They’re the same group, they’ve just changed their name, it’s got the same members and everything!”, then I don’t think I’d have worked it out.
As for everybody else… well, nobody stood out, really. However, there is one act who I like less and less with each passing week: Frankie. Seriously, who can be voting for him? He struggles to hold a tune; he doesn’t appear to wash; and to say he treats “birds” he’s “banged” like objects would be a kindness. So why is he still here?
If this week wasn’t particularly eventful for the contestants, it sure was for the judges, with Tulisa apparently not having realised that Christopher Nolan has already cast his Catwoman, and the missing Kelly was temporarily replaced by Alexandra Burke. At least I hope it’s temporary; the way Alexandra was vomiting out her comments was a bit too much for me: “YouknowWHATIthoughtyoucameoutHEREanddidquitewellBABE. BUT, babeyou’renotWORKINGasHARDasIdidandyouCOULDdobetterBABE.” And after having to endure her saying that to just about everyone, it was certainly comforting to hear that Kelly was still on the planet during the results show. Though I swear if she’d swapped a few words round she’d have been doing a bang-on Yoda impression: ‘Hard it is, to decide. Wants it more, one of you does…’
Next week, we have the already dread-inducing, ‘Dancefloor Week’ (though I am excited about what Johnny’s going to do!), and, of course, it will be Bonfire Night, so maybe it won’t just be metaphorical fireworks zooming around the studio. And if any ITV exec is reading this, I’m putting in one request: can Dermot and/or Frankie be the Guy?
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