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I’m annoyed. Very annoyed. Because this weekend’s X Factor was: The. Worst. X Factor. Weekend. EVER! (And that’s not just because I’m a big Janet fan.)
It all started on Saturday night; I was psyched, looking forward to the extended running time (I don’t have a life…) after I watched last week’s in 45 minutes by skipping the adverts and Dermot. And of course it was the quarter-final! What could possibly go wrong? Everything, that’s what. And, by the end, I was darn well bored.
Let’s face it, the standard of performances on Saturday was probably one down from the standard of an audition episode where all the good ones have been edited out. Why was this? The theme. What a surprise. Originally, it was going to be Motown Week, but even if it was to have been Songs in the Style of Shopping Centre Announcements Week, it wouldn’t have been any worse than the Guilty Pleasures and Heroes Week that was forced upon us.
You see, the thing about guilty pleasures that none of the numbskulls at The X Factor realise is that they’re guilty for a reason. You can’t take a Justin Bieber song and make it sound as good as Bohemian Rhapsody. (Or even a shopping centre announcement…) Thus, while every performance improved on the original, they were still uniformly awful.
Therefore, there was very little for them to do but to improve for their second song; but, while Little Mix were fantastic, nobody else was. Janet was fine, but once again came a cropper of bad song choice. Misha did her usual: bizarre outfit, big hair, forgettable song, and baby-voiced thank yous. Despite receiving a warehouse load of praise, Amelia wasn’t great either, and is apparently suffering from Kitty Brucknell syndrome. (Good, but shouty in the loud bits – wobbly, and lacking subtlety, in the quiet bits.)
Marcus also received a gargantuan level of praise, with Gary noting how he’d changed the world more than the Industrial Revolution, despite a shoddy attempt at Stevie Wonder. Now, I’m not one of those people that immediately sticks their head in an oven at the thought of someone even trying to do Stevie Wonder, but even I can appreciate that Marcus wasn’t up to scratch. (His key changes did make me think of a scratched record, however.)
It’s fair to say that I was glad when all that rubbish was over, and I was content in the knowledge that Misha would leave on Sunday, with no sympathy vote due. What I didn’t account for was Janet also being in the bottom. Had it been anyone else they’d have been going ‘oh Misha, it’s obvious the public don’t like you, it’s time for you to go in order to avoid a totally predictable semi-final result.’ Unfortunately, it wasn’t anyone else, and it was more along the lines of ‘None of us like you any more, Janet, not even Louis, and we’re glad to be rid of you, so, because of that we’re totally gonna overlook the fact that Misha’s chances of winning are non-existent.’
It was a stupid result made by increasingly stupid judges. How is Misha going to pack out arenas when she’s been in the sing-off three times in five weeks? How is Janet not a recording voice? All I can say is, with both her and Craig now gone, the amount of truly striking talent has plummeted, as has any momentum that this forgettable series was still clinging onto.
Next week… well, I don’t honestly care what happens. The theme will be something like Songs-that-have-been-used-as- coat-hangers Week, Misha will be out and Louis will be back in his old shirt. Can’t wait.
Oh, before I go, did anyone else laugh when Dermot said: “The Muppets and Olly Murs”? He could have saved himself a few words there couldn’t he?
I agree that Little Mix were good this week - a lot better than their previous few performances. I will tip them and Marcus to get through to the final!
Little Mix fantastic? Must say I thought they did us a favour by choosing a Christina Aguilera song as it showed us they just don't have the vocals for a singing competition. Surely it's a walkover for Marcus now (not that I'm a fan, but he's the best of a bad bunch).
Apart from that I totally agree, and Tulisa is really starting to annoy me, she's just a poor man's Cheryl Cole. Her depth of analysis is horrific and even Luis manages to make more salient points than her.
As annoying as Kelly Rowland's Americanisms are, at least she actually gives feedback on the music. I would be very, very, very surprised if we see Tulisa next year - hopefully they'll try to get in another record producer rather than just a "pop-star".
Also, is there any word why they had a sing-off in the quarter final? Usually it's a straight public vote for the final 5.
"Oh, before I go, did anyone else laugh when Dermot said: “The Muppets and Olly Murs”? He could have saved himself a few words there couldn’t he?"
Never mind that, did anyone see Olly Murs stroking Miss Piggy's leg and then looking shocked when he realised what he was doing?!?
Completely agree with everything else you said, except I have a feeling that Mischa might just win? The whole show seems to have been rigged from start to finish this year, and she's survived the bottom two so many times, I can't help feeling that someone somewhere is pulling a few strings...
Gutted to see Janet go though, she was the most unique of the lot of them. Hope someone gives her a recording deal.
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