Alcuin digs deep to find its talent

Written by Jasmine Smith

As an Alcuinite I must be patriotic and tell you that the night started…. interestingly. With the promise of Hamish Champion’s, ‘Weetabix Challenge’, (an impressive 24 biscuits!) B’Henry’s (the only cocktail bar on campus) began to fill with playful banter & curiosity. Would Alcuin have talent?

Already confirmed act Oli Warne started off the night with a melodic cover of the Stereophonics, and just as the stage was beginning to warm up we realised our prize act has done a runner. That’s right; Hamish had left the building, blaming ‘pre-performance jitters’; leaving people wondering what the hell could go wrong next.

Act 1

But, true to form, RAG vice-president Alex Fink took the mic leaving us all stunned with his fascinating ‘performance’ (for want of a better word) of the Bloodhound Gang’s, Bad Touch. And it didn’t get any better from there.

Act 2

Next up was Johnathan Matlock’s 'talent' of creating a dubious looking house out of drinking straws. One thing for certain Johnno, don’t give up the day job! This act however divided the three judges; Alcuin Vice-Chair Ed Durkin, Alcuin Chair Erik O’Connor and Student Development and Charities Officer-elect Jamie Tyler. Durkin scoffed: “How can this be representing Alcuin at Woodstock.” Whilst O’Connor (holding his own Johnno-inspired straw coat-hanger) enthused: “I loved it, a true architect!”

Act 3

With a sigh of relief, the Ugly Goslings then began to set up stage. Having already been signed up for Alcuin’s summer ball, expectations were high. And this four-man Jazz band did not disappoint, presenting two original songs which were described as “lively and creative". The night had really begun.

The raffle saw a star prize of, wait for it, a stuffed parrot. But in true Alcuin style, people gave generously & saw RAG for what it truly is… raising money by having fun!

Act 4

The second half of the night began with Marcus Gillan stepping forward to help out his college in its hour of need. Taking pity on the lonely box of Weetabix, Gillan began his heroic conquest to consume the box, trouser-less. Although debate now began as to whether “eating a large breakfast on stage” could be classified as a talent, this act certainly gave the crowd what it desired. Amusement.

Act 5

With Gillan a hard act to follow, prominent former Alcuin JCRC Treasurer and Ents Co-Ordinator Rory Shanks took uncertainly to the stage and got the whole bar to sing along with his lively, acoustic version of a much loved, overplayed Oasis track. Gillan was not singing - he was on his fourth Weetabix. Despite a few vocal issues, Rory definitely got everybody into the spirit of things and woke some of the (slightly perturbed) drinkers at the back of bar.

Act 6

The talent continued with the wonderful Katharina Auersperg and her soulful version of Peggy Lee’s Fever. Beautiful vocals and guitar left judges with no complaints, gaining “two thumbs up” from Alcuin Chair O’Connor. Katharina admitted she was pleased with her impromptu performance but regrettably was unavailable the week of Woodstock.

Act 7

The final act was Christy Cormac. Silencing the rowdy (I daresay cocktail-filled) crowds with a cover of The Chillies on harmonica, Christy surprised us all with his multi-talented singing, harmonica and guitar playing act. Although the judges did say that “they would have liked to have heard some of his own pieces".

Gillan, now on his (quite impressive) fifteenth biscuit was changing colour. The crowds took pity on him and suggested that he could stop… but only if he ate the last biscuit of out of someone’s shoe. Marcus had no choice but to agree. The judges refused to comment. The night ended on a definite high.

Alcuin’s got talent? Some. But one thing is definitely certain - Alcuin’s got humour.

Judges Choice

• The Ugly Goslings
• Christy Cormac

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