Bus cancelled to make students fitter

Bus services to be cancelled

Take-away businesses have recently experienced booming sales fuelled by drunken revellers returning from unprecedented heavy nights out. Activists claim that the ease and accessibility of the bus to students means that they are more likely to partake on a night out in town and as a result are more vulnerable to the over-consumption of alcohol. It is thought that the average student is "inherently lazy" and will therefore forgo a night out rather than having to walk the long and arduous half-an-hour trek into town.

This measure has been welcomed by many. A resident of Heslington Road told The Yorker "this is finally a positive move in the direction of teaching the student population the meaning of hard work." It has been claimed that cancelling the bus route will also help cut public spending and reduce local taxes because of the need to have fewer arrests on nights out and in the cleaning up of discarded take-away cartons.

Unsurprisingly, there have been many objections to the plans announced today. Local take-away business are angered at being bypassed, having not been consulted on the plans. Some intend to sue collectively for loss of earnings and increase in fuel costs. One well-known establishment on Heslington Road voiced his opinion exclusively to The Yorker saying that “the student population [are] a misunderstood group of people and I am horrified by the way they are being tarnished”.

A spokesman for the student population at York has said he is "fuming" at such suggestions and that it is going to affect his degree as he is likely to miss more lectures due to having to walk from Fairfax House especially with his inability to wake up in time for his 12:15. The student, who did not want to be named, continued to say he thinks it is a joke that local residents will still be permitted to use the service and questions whether the council had considered the safety of those committed students who were willing to “go the distance”.

One critic has suggested that the move is simply a lobbying ploy by the council to collect more licence fees from taxi drivers who are certainly one particular party who are very likely to benefit greatly from this introduction. These claims have been vehemently denied by both sides yet no one was available for comment.

In a rather bizarre and interesting revelation, however, the other bus service that supports the University, ‘4U’, has vowed to remain in operation, calling into question the sense and logic of the local council. An undesirable repercussion of this could be a massive divide between the students and the residents in some form of neo-apartheid.

Is this rather interesting timing for such budget cuts or is it merely a coincidence that it falls on the same day as the start of the new tax year? Whatever the reason I’m sure the conspiracy theorists are going to have a field day!

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