Grumpy young women: Travel

Travel!

If only it were that simple, instead we have to have to deal with the horrendous reality of getting from A to B.

Our government is quite rightly obsessed with keeping this country green. The only problem with this is that if your journey is going to take more than walking or pedal power, you may need to use public transport. Public transport is one of our many national flops. It is inadequate, infuriating and damn right outrageous.

The bus timetable is in fact a cruel reminder of what could be if the bus ever arrived on time, and we had a fully functional public transport system.

You can almost guarantee that you will not reach your final destination on time, that bus timetable might as well be put where the sun don’t shine. The bus timetable is in fact a cruel reminder of what could be if the bus ever arrived on time, and we had a fully functional public transport system.

You might need to travel even further and decide to take a train. Very brave decision, you need to leave yourself a week to reach your destination of choice. I sometimes suspect that there are so many train delays and cancellations because they think we can’t get enough of sitting in train stations. It's not all bad, if you're lucky there might be a drastically overpriced and mediocre coffee shop, selling dubious sandwiches and nicely stewed tea. You can also be assured that you will be six feet under covered in maggots before they offer you a refund for your ticket.

So you finally get on the train and the fun is just about to begin. The carriages are all packed with sweaty bodies clambering for seats and whacking you with their suitcases. You finally find your seat to come face to face with some smug looking twit, sitting there staring straight at you. At this point the outrageousness of public transport might be overwhelming. Your train is delayed due to a leaf falling on the track; you're four hours late and you have to share an enclosed space with multitudes of people feeling just as agitated as you are.

Let’s scrap the whole idea of public transport and reducing our carbon footprint.

You can’t beat the freedom of driving around in your own car, listening to a few tunes, staying warm and hassle-free. If only this was the reality, the road is the arena for a whole new set of horrors to take place. You might get a few metres from your front door and find yourself in a traffic jam. After a few hours of boredom, you realise you have got nowhere and have had to re-mortgage your home to keep up with the fuel expenses.

After a few hours you realise you have got nowhere and have had to re-mortgage your home to keep up with the fuel expenses.

When it all gets too much there is the comfort of knowing that going abroad is getting cheaper and cheaper. This is due to our old friend the budget airline, guaranteed to make going holiday the most stressful experience of your life. You march round the airport like cattle getting charged obscene amounts of money for your baggage, and being taxed for having a face.

The holidays begins once you reach your destination, long walks along the beach, exotic food, hospitable people and sweet smelling hotel rooms. Or, on the other hand, swarms of tourists, dodgy restaurants, hostile locals, damp sheets and dog crap all over the streets. Sometimes going abroad can be more uncomfortable and stressful, you just end up wishing you had stayed home.

Travelling just isn’t worth it, and even if it is, we go through hell and back to get anywhere.

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