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BP To Quell Gushing Oil Flow with Liberal MPs

David Cameron and George Osborne Laughing
Monday, 21st June 2010
BP boss Tony Hayward was the first person to find a use for the seemingly redundant Liberal Democrat MPs in David Cameron’s government yesterday, suggesting they should be used to fill the gaping void which now has the potential to spill 100,000 barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico every day.

US President Barack Obama fully supported Hayward’s proposition, telling the Yew Nork Times: “Damn Brits, [it’s] about time they started cleaning up this damn mess they got us into.” A spokesman for the American company that developed and provided British Petroleum with its blow-out preventer (or B.O.P which incidentally has been identified as having countless design flaws and is believed to have played a very small part in the disaster when it failed added: “Yeah!”

BP insist that the spill is “relatively tiny compared to the size of the ocean.” Why not then use the Liberals, Hayward retorts, adding: “the usefulness of the Liberal MPs in the coalition government is relatively tiny compared to the size of the cabinet.”

Lib Dem Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was not available for comment. Meanwhile, the premier and George Gideon Osborne were spied by a News Of The World reporter this morning quaffing Champagne over a breakfast in an unnamed Notting Hill Dining Club. They would have commented but they were very busy.

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